Not Everyone Should Go Blonde

You need some lowlights, Ben

US actor Ben Affleck waves as he walks off stage after speaking during the taping of the "Vax Live" ...
Dyed By His Own Hand

A pet hobby of mine for the last two years has been keeping up with The Last Duel. The upcoming film has all the trappings of something I enjoy: It is directed by Ridley Scott, written by not just Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, but also queen of wealthy white woman ennui Nicole Holofcener, and stars Adam Driver (from Girls).

The film is about two men in Medieval France who must duel to the death after one man’s wife accuses the other man of raping her. You can see why Matt and Ben might have wanted to bring in Holofcener.

The plot of this movie actually means nothing to me. Ever since photos from the set were released last year, I have become consumed with a singular aspect of this film: Blonde Ben Affleck.

You can catch a glimpse of his bright yellow tresses in the trailer for the movie, which was released today.

The thing about Ben Affleck is that he is not supposed to be blonde. He has such palpable brunette energy that seeing him blonde feels like a slap in the face. In fact, you can almost hear Ben Affleck’s Good Will Hunting character walking up to this new guy saying, “Ay, ya fahkin pretty boy, you got a problem?”

This would not be such an egregious issue to me if the shade was a little darker, or more realistic. I think even natural blondes have a bit of a darker root, no? Am I to believe that in 14th century France people were just walking around with a full head of perfectly golden hair? And then there is the goatee which is, as you might have guessed, also blonde. Blink and you’ll miss it, because it is the same shade as the rest of Affleck’s face.

In other The Last Duel hair news, Killing Eve’s Jodie Comer, playing the wife of Matt Damon and the rape victim in the film, is also blonde. They have put her in a wig that acknowledges that actual blondes have both highlights and lowlights to their hair, which I appreciate.

Lastly, Matt Damon has also joined his writing partner in sporting a haircut that makes me go, “Huh?” Matt has opted for a mullet thing, with the business in the front being 2015 barista baby bangs. At least it is a normal color for a Boston man, which is to say, brown.