Jeopardy! Has Gained Sentience

And people are hosting it

NEW YORK - OCTOBER 08:  (L-R) Actors James Denton, Bebe Neuwirth and Neil Patrick Harris during a re...
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Jeopardy! has had a rough couple months. After losing its long-running host Alex Trebek last November, the beloved game show rebounded in August with a new public daddy, who was shortly revealed to be kind of a major dick, and then summarily fired as host after one day on the job.

But, as businessman and prophet, seer, and revelator of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Joseph Wirthlin is said to have said, “As with the butterfly, adversity is necessary to build character in people.”

And, as it turns out, not just people, but television shows, too.

“Not sure if you’ve heard but @missmayim and @kenjennings are hosting me until the end of the year. Everyone on the staff is supralunar,” Jeopardy! tweeted on Thursday. Ordinary onlookers may be more preoccupied by the news that self-described “liberal Zionist” Mayim Bialik and longest winning streak record-holding contestant Ken Jennings will cohost this season of Jeopardy! But to more eagle-eyed observers, the real revelation is in two little, vaguely erotically charged words: “hosting me.”

Through adversity, Jeopardy! appears to have finally gained sentience and even, perhaps, a budding sense of sexuality after 57 or 37 years of life. In the words of someone who was probably not Winston Churchill, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Jeopardy! went through hell, and it evidently came out the other side a fully-formed conscious being — and one who wants to be totally and utterly hosted.