DeuxMoi Is Writing a Book

It’s about someone named “Cricket Lopez”

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Kill me pls

Are you very interested in knowing what Chris Pine is doing at Jeni’s Ice Cream in Los Feliz? Do you care that Joe Biden was seen by an anonymous source in Washington D.C., where he works as the President of the United States? If the answer is yes, a recent book announcement may excite you.

DeuxMoi, the anonymous Instagram account that routinely updates its 1.4 million followers on mundane celebrity sightings framed as “gossip,” like which celebrity was actually so sweet when a stranger approached them for a photo, is writing a book. The book is to be titled Anon Pls. and it is written by the anonymous loser behind DeuxMoi.

The book has not yet been announced on Publisher’s Marketplace, so it’s unclear how much this sold for, but it is being published by HarperCollins’s William Morrow imprint and already available for pre-order on Barnes and Noble, Target, Google Play, Amazon, and Bookshop.

Before digging into the book’s description, I want you to take a moment to think about something: what would make the most logical sense if someone told you there was going to be a DeuxMoi book? Are you expecting the type of Urban Outfitters coffee table book you buy for your boyfriend’s 22-year-old sister for her birthday? Something that features perhaps some of their most iconic posts, like what Whitney Cummings ate at an airport? The truth is far more concerning.

According to its listing on Barnes and Noble, this book is in fact a novel. A novel about the fairytale behind DeuxMoi’s prominence. The description explains that the novel fictionally answers a question nobody is asking: “What is it really like to be DeuxMoi?” Centering on someone named Cricket Lopez (??) who is an assistant for a stylist that turns her Instagram into a celebrity gossip blog, the plot is described as follows:

Though no one knows that she is behind the account, its newfound success is affecting her real life. Her boss wonders why she’s disappearing on the job, her friends are increasingly irritated by her dedication to the account, and she has celebrities, investors, and journalists approaching her with bright-eyed interest. Plus, there's a steamy new love interest who she meets through her online persona—except she has no idea if she can truly trust his motives. But as the account grows and becomes more and more famous, she has to wonder: is it – the fame, the insider access, the escape from real life – really worth losing everything she has?

Plenty of awful books are published every year, but there’s something very sinister about a novel written by an Instagram account that reposts DMs about which reality stars are good tippers. I have been thinking recently about what types of sick losers comprise DeuxMoi’s target audience and have come up blank, but it looks like we’re about to find out. Will I be pre-ordering this roman à clef to find out what the deal is with Cricket Lopez? I would prefer to keep that information anon. (But no.)