Woody Allen and Alec Baldwin Chat About Everything Except Ya Know...

Gimme the goods, fellas

Grumpy Old Men

The internet is one of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal. It can bring together people from across the globe, it can start movements, and it can be the thing that brings together two of our greatest minds: Alec Baldwin and Woody Allen.

These two geezers teamed up on Instagram Live ostensibly to discuss Allen’s new book of essays, Zero Gravity (with the comments turned off, of course). They didn’t do much of that, instead opining about how making movies isn’t as fun as it used to be, for reasons that have nothing to do with either of their personal lives.

After several attempts on Allen’s side to log on, they were finally able to establish a connection both literally and spiritually.

Topics that were up for discussion included:

  • Profanity in movies: They don’t like it unless it’s necessary. However they both use it in their home lives. Allen said that he will curse “if I drop a baked potato in my lap.” That is certainly a scenario where an F-bomb is warranted.
  • COVID: Neither of them has gotten it. Impressive!
  • Their kids: Baldwin said he has six kids with another one on the way, forgetting that he actually has seven living children at the moment. Sorry, Ireland.
  • Westworld: Baldwin does not know what they’re trying to do with that show.
  • Barry: Baldwin loves it.
  • Filmmaking not having that magic to it anymore.

The latter point was the main topic of discussion for the To Rome With Love collaborators, as they inched closer to the two massive elephants in the room but did not ever address them.

“When I used to do a film it’d go into a movie house all across the country. Now you do a movie and you get a couple weeks in a movie house,” Allen said. “Maybe six weeks or four weeks and then it goes right to streaming or pay-per-view…It’s not the same…It’s not as enjoyable to me.”

Baldwin blamed this on audiences, who “care infinitely less about experiencing the film in real time the way the filmmaker intended.”

That won’t stop Allen, though. He is making a movie in Paris this fall, but told Baldwin that what he really enjoys now is writing. He wants to write plays and maybe novels, but mostly he wants to stay at home with his family and play his clarinet. How sweet.

The conversation never surpassed 3,000 viewers, most of whom I imagine were hoping for these two bags of dust to at least touch on their surely fascinating thoughts on cancel culture. What can I say? I wanted to hear the good stuff, sue me. Unfortunately, they proved to be either too smart or too ignorant to give us what we want. It all worked out in the end though, because Allen got to plug his book, Baldwin got to do most of the talking, and I got to see the part at the end when the woman who was running the tech for Allen couldn’t figure out how to turn off the stream.


Where is her book deal?