Why Did Allure Do This to Jennifer Aniston?

She's not even promoting a new single featuring Fat Joe

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 26:  Jennifer Aniston is seen filming on location for 'The Morning Sh...
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Picture Not So Perfect

Jennifer Anitston is on the cover of the December issue of Allure, speaking very candidly about her challenging experience with IVF, her status as a movie star, and how her parents’ divorce screwed her up. The Friends star is being fairly open and honest, as far as these things go. So why did Allure make her wear this for the cover?

Does she look good? Sure. She probably wants to show off the body that comes from only eating one single chip when you’re stressed. This is, obviously, a play on her saying she doesn’t “have anything to hide at this point.” Because she’s showing you most of her boobs, get it?

When she says that in the profile, though, she’s talking about the tabloid narrative surrounding her divorce from Brad Pitt:

“I just cared about my career. And God forbid a woman is successful and doesn’t have a child. And the reason my husband left me, why we broke up and ended our marriage, was because I wouldn’t give him a kid. It was absolute lies. I don’t have anything to hide at this point.”

So, obviously, the brilliant minds at Allure thought it best to pair that quote with an image that makes her look like she’s wearing a Julia Fox costume but forgot to do the eye makeup. They didn’t stop there, though. The whole photoshoot is a bizarre exercise in seemingly trying to convince us that Jennifer Aniston, famously beautiful woman, is still hot. The text is no better, with the writer at one point getting a bit too existential: “I almost want to apologize to Aniston for being a journalist. This doesn’t feel like any of my business.” Fair enough. But back to the visuals, the only reason celebrities agree to any of this in the first place.

In this photo they’ve dressed her up in another Halloween costume, and this time she’s going as Jennifer Lopez circa 2004.

Who is this for? That’s a great question, and I have a few ideas.

  1. Members of Gen Z who watch Friends on a loop and might repost these images with captions like, “She swam 20 miles in Mother Lake before this photoshoot.”
  2. Journalists who work at publications where they will be asked to write about how great she looks for her age.
  3. Moms with undiagnosed eating disorders who will see this and tell their daughters that they bet Aniston also only eats a handful of almonds for lunch.
  4. Jennifer Aniston.

And while I’m sure she’s very happy with these photos, Aniston is better than these photos. She does not have to do Kardashian drag to get our attention. That’s kind of the whole point of being one of the last remaining movie stars.