Who Won Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson’s Break-Up?

Hint: It's neither of them

NEW YORK, NEW YORK - MAY 02: Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian attend The 2022 Met Gala Celebrating "...
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Rest in Pete

After nine months of loved up bliss, Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson have broken up. According to a source who talked to E! Online, they still have "a lot of love and respect for each other” but found it hard to make a relationship work due to their busy schedules. But of course, she is a business mogul, a soon-to-be lawyer, a mother of four, and a budding comedienne, and he is an actor. Let’s all observe a moment of silence for them.

Okay that’s enough, time to get serious. Every Kardashian Kmaneuver (the “K” is silent) is a well thought out PR move, one that has obvious winners and losers. Kris Jenner would have it no other way. However, as much as she tries, she cannot control the entire world, so sometimes the winners are not always the horse she put her money on. Here’s how the break-up shakes out.

Loser: Pete Davidson

The man got like, three Kim-inspired tattoos. He’s either stupid (probable) or he really thought he was going to marry this woman. Either way, laser tattoo removal is painful and getting rid of those won’t be fun. Yes, he is probably more famous now than he was before they started dating, but this is also likely to be the most famous he will ever be. It’s all downhill from here. He probably has a few more good months left of headlines about him sending messages via his T-shirts.

Winner: Kanye West

Kardashian’s ex-husband never liked Davidson, going so far as to make a music video in which he buries the Saturday Night Live star alive. The breakup is huge for him, and he celebrated by sharing a post on Instagram featuring a New York Times front page headline that reads “SKETE DAVIDSON DEAD AT AGE 28.” Kinda funny in the way that Trump tweets were kinda funny.

Loser: Khloé Kardashian

This poor woman. Mere hours after it was announced that Kim and Pete broke up, it was announced that her second baby with serial cheater Tristan Thompson had been born (it’s a boy!). I’m certain that this was some brilliant PR hustling from Kris, but I’m sure Khloé still wanted her moment in the sun; she rarely gets those. On top of all of that, the Good American founder and the mysterious private equity investor she had been dating just broke up. A new baby with a scumbag, a break up, and a sister in crisis? Oof.

Winner: Kris Jenner

If after over a decade of this you don’t know that Kris always wins, then I don’t know what to tell you. The most famous momager in the world managed to cover up the publicity nightmare of Khloé and Tristan’s baby with Kim and Pete’s break-up. No one does it like her.

Loser: Whoever Pete Dates Next

Poor girl 😔.

Stays the Same: Kim Kardashian

There is no bad press for Kim. There is also no good press for Kim. She is an android that was built in Calabasas designed to get us off of our asses and send us to work. She can do no real wrong, but also no real good. As long as those Skims bodysuits keep working, none of this really matters.