Who Does Timothée Chalamet’s 'British Vogue' Cover Remind Me Of?

It's certainly not the star of 'Dune'

Timothée Chalamet lors du 79e festival du film de Venise le 2 septembre 2022. (Photo by Laurent Koff...
Laurent KOFFEL/Gamma-Rapho/Getty Images
Jump Scares

I’m sure by now that you’ve heard the news from Britain. Women are OUT, men are IN. I am referring, of course, to the cover of British Vogue, which for the first time in its 106-year history is featuring a solo man on its cover. That man is… whoever this is:

I can see that the cover says “Timothée” in big letters, but they can’t possibly mean Chalamet. I saw the other photos from the story and they have a sort of grungy, Robert Mapplethorpe thing going on. Those ones are definitely Timothée Chalamet, star of Dune and Call Me By Your Name. The person on this cover must be someone different, Timothée Shalamay perhaps.

Chalamet opted to share a different version of the cover, one that makes him look less like Miss Slovakia 1993 and more like a Hollywood hotshot worthy of receiving advice from Leonardo DiCaprio (“No hard drugs and no superhero movies.”).

But back to Mr. Shalamay. He looks like something, or someone. If you need a reminder of what that cover was, I’ll share it again. Be prepared for a jump scare.

Ack! Maybe you can help me figure out what he looks like here, these are my best theories so far:

  • An outdated reference photo at a Great Clips
  • Some guy playing Pippin in a regional production of Pippin
  • Ella Emhoff
  • Flats the Flounder from Spongebob Squarepants
  • An au pair who keeps kids in check by telling them about her time in the Soviet Union
  • A magician who found your card on the third try
  • Megamind
  • A male model (derogatory)
  • Rumer Willis? Kinda? Do you see it?

Any other ideas? Feel free to forward them to the villains over at British Vogue. They’re probably queueing for the Queen right now, but they should get around to them next week.