What Should The Next Face Be?

Some suggestions for the girlies

Portrait de Bella Hadid lors du festival de Cannes le 6 juillet 2021. (Photo by Laurent KOFFEL/Gamma...
Laurent KOFFEL/Gamma-Rapho/Getty Images

The “Bella Hadid Look” is what all the girls want. The model’s striking cat-like eyes, high cheekbones, and pouty mouth are very, as we say, in right now, and have been for a while. That is all fine and good, but it’s, uh, probably not Hadid’s natural face. It’s Carla Bruni’s. The Italian supermodel and former First Lady of France likely served as the inspiration for Hadid’s visage, but let’s employ the use of some visual aids.

Here is Bella Hadid’s old face:

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A natural beauty!

Here is Carla Bruni on a runway in 1992:

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Look familiar?

Here is Bella Hadid now:

Samir Hussein/Getty Images


But what’s next for the chicas? Which classic celebrity beauty’s face will become the photo that young girls bring to their plastic surgeon’s office? Obviously, I have some suggestions.

Natalie Wood

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Let’s make the faces smaller and the eyebrows blockier. Instead of a long, elegant nose, let’s go for a cute little button. This would be a great look for Kendall Jenner as long as she stays off of boats.

Pam Grier

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This one’s not for the white girls, not that it’s ever stopped them before. Grier is, to me, one of the most beautiful women who’s ever existed. Big eyes and a smaller mouth, cheekbones that are high but don’t force themselves upon you. The plus side here is that everyone can keep their late 90’s-esque thin brows.

Clara Bow

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Speaking of brows, let’s bring ‘em lower. Bow is the reason we have the term “It Girl,” and it’s high time to bring her face back. What says chic more than looking like a sleepy-eyed silent film star?

Rosanna Arquette

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I know the models would eat this up (Rosanna’s own daughter Zoë Bleu both looks like her and models), and they wouldn’t even have to dissolve their lip fillers that much. Plus, they’d all get the little ski slope nose that they all want.

Carrie-Anne Moss

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The Matrix is back en vogue, and Moss’s face should be too. Tell your doctor to fuck your nose up. Don’t be afraid of a little asymmetry. The most beautiful people are always just a little bit weird-looking.