What Do You Get the Man Who Has Everything?

In Cardi B's case, a comedy-sized check

PARIS, FRANCE - SEPTEMBER 30: Cardi B and Offset are seen leaving Giraffe restaurant on September 30...
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If you are like me, buying a gift for your significant other leaves you in a fit of anxiety every time you have to do it. It’s not like buying a gift for your dad (book about war), your mom (book about cooking), or someone you sort of know but are trying to impress (Malin + Goetz “Cannabis” candle). A gift for your paramour should encapsulate how much they mean to you, perhaps referencing a moment or experience the two of you have shared or, in the best case scenario, it’s something they didn’t even know they wanted but gets right to the core of who they are as a person.

Or you could give them a lot of cash.

That’s what Cardi B did for Offset, whose birthday was earlier this month. Today, TMZ posted a video of the “WAP” rapper giving her husband the gift of $2 million. “Babe, I feel like you have everything,” Cardi said, “So I’m like, ‘What do you like?’ Oh that’s right, some shmoney gang…” Then she presented him with a Publisher’s Clearing House-sized check.

If you zoom in on the video, you’ll see that Cardi’s address is listed as 1111 Makin’ Money Lane, which I think is a nice touch. She is so creative. People will say that getting someone cash as a present isn’t thoughtful, or that it shows you don’t think highly enough of the recipient. Those people are wrong, cash is always a good present. To me it says, “I know that you have a very particular sensibility about you, one that I don’t need to fully understand to appreciate, so I will let you do your own thing.”

Sometimes that’s what love looks like. Other times it’s knowing that what your girlfriend really wants for Christmas is a set of matching pajamas because she hasn’t shut up about it for three months. Maybe I’m the pajama girlfriend, but if I were the check-receiving husband I would be fine with it. $2 million could get me such nice pajamas.