Tom Brady Is So Divorced He Lost 15 Pounds

Maybe he should add nightshades back into his diet

TAMPA, FLORIDA - JANUARY 16: Tom Brady #12 of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers speaks to the media after los...
Julio Aguilar/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images
Allie Jones

While Gisele Bündchen is having the time of her life in Costa Rica with her jiu-jitsu trainer, her ex-husband Tom Brady is, in a word, not. The 45-year-old quarterback lost in the NFL playoffs last week and is now a free agent. The pressure must be starting to get to him, because when his podcast co-host asked him this week which team he might go to next season (assuming he plans to keep playing until his body and/or brain give out), he answered in a torrent of curses. “Jim, if I knew what I was going to fucking do, I’d have already fucking done it,” he said. “I’m taking it a day at a time.”

On top of that, a new ESPN report claims Brady lost 15 pounds this season in the wake of his divorce. Damn. Brady “knows his own mental focus was gone for a bulk of the season,” writes ESPN reporter Jeff Darlington. “He felt at times like his preseason anguish ended his chances at success before the regular season had even started.”

For those who don’t remember: That anguish started when Brady unretired from football against his wife and family’s express wishes and continued when said wife divorced him without so much as a look back.

What’s a middle-aged QB to do? His personal life is probably going to remain in the toilet for another few years, but he could at least start trying to gain weight back. Try a potato, man!