The Weeknd Is Going to End World Hunger

"Put that cocaine on a plate," he once sang

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA - OCTOBER 07: The Weeknd attends the U.N. World Food Programme as it welc...
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The Weeknd is now a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations’s World Food Programme. At a ceremony for the announcement on Thursday, the “Blinding Lights” singer, born Abel Tesfaye, said that the partnership is “an authentic extension of all our efforts and intentions to help those in need and bring an end to so much suffering.” That’s very kind of him.

Based on his discography, The Weeknd probably knows a lot about ending hunger. Yes, it’s through cocaine consumption, but nothing tastes as good as cutting “ivory into skinny pieces” makes you feel. Or so I’m told.

Hm, sorry, that was in bad taste. I’m sure The Weeknd is not going to try to end world hunger by rolling up a $100 bill and telling starving people to have at it until they can’t feel their faces. That would be rude of me.

However, I do think that in addition to this being a great PR move, his new “friend” Angelina Jolie might have had some influence here. Jolie has worked with the U.N. as both a goodwill ambassador and a special envoy since 2001, so I’m sure that if one were to want to, I don’t know, endear himself to her, this would be one way to do it.

Speaking to the Uncut Gems star’s new role, Food Programme executive director David Beasley said, “We are thrilled to welcome The Weeknd to the WFP family. His compassion and commitment to helping the world’s hungriest people is truly inspirational.” Again, seems like a newfound commitment, but sure, this is great. I hope that The Weeknd does some good in the world, that people get fed, and that Angelina Jolie is happy with her life choices.