Sydney Sweeney Is Living in Hell

There is so much suffering in this world, but no one is suffering more than Sydney Sweeney. The Euphoria star is on the cover of British GQ, and her life honestly sounds like it sucks. Even though the writer tries her damndest, opening the profile by comparing Sweeney to “a Sherbet Dip-Dab swirled in sugar and sheathed in sparkly cellophane, or an IV drip of blended rainbows that shoots glitter through your blood plasma,” there is no denying that this girl is in hell all the time.

First, there’s her body. This is well-trodden territory at this point, but Sweeney wouldn’t be living in a neverending nightmare if she didn’t have to talk about her boobs all the time:

“I had boobs before other girls and I felt ostracized for it… I was embarrassed and I never wanted to change in the locker room. I think that I put on this weird persona other people had of me because of my body. So I did play every sport and I studied really hard and I did everything that people wouldn’t think I would do, to show them that my body doesn’t define who I am.”

Complicating Sweeney’s obvious discomfort with people’s obsession with her body is that no one wants to hear a hot girl with big boobs complain about being a hot girl with big boobs.

The World: 1, Sydney Sweeney: 0

Then there’s her Republican family. Earlier this year, photos Sweeney posted from her mom’s birthday “hoedown” sparked a firestorm because some of her family members were wearing MAGA hats and Blue Lives Matter shirts. Why folks thought someone who grew up on the border of Idaho and Washington wouldn’t have a conservative family is beyond me, but Sweeney still finds it a tricky subject:

“Honestly I feel like nothing I say can help the conversation… It’s been turning into a wildfire and nothing I can say will take it back to the correct track.”

You’re so right, girl.

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Lastly, there is the matter of just being an incredibly famous person trying to exist in public. She can’t even peruse trinkets and tchotchkes without being swarmed:

Recently Sweeney went out by herself to a flea market (“a terrible decision”) and was mobbed by people asking for selfies. After a while, Sweeney realized that she wasn’t enjoying herself anymore, but that she didn’t have a way out. She ‘escaped’ her way: by politely taking photographs with everyone until there was nobody left asking.

Ay yi yi. As always, fame is a curse.

The World: 3, Sydney Sweeney: 0

Is there any winning for her? No, but she does seem to keep a positive attitude about constantly losing. To quote another cheery loser, she was born to be in it.