Shailene Woodley Says Goodbye to Aaron Rodgers's Gigantic Feet

She will drown her sorrows in a pint of clay

L: Patrick McDermott/Getty Images, R: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images
Flag on the Play

It’s breakup season for weirdos with strict diets. Two days after Sen. Cory Booker and Rosario Dawson split, TMZ is reporting that Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley have called off their engagement. If the rule of threes means anything, Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara will be returning to a life of solo colonics soon.

Rodgers and Woodley burned bright and fast, getting engaged in February of 2021 after dating for less than a year. Their love may have been short lived, but they gave us so much during their brief time together. We got couples trips to Hawaii with Miles Teller, a baby reveal that actually wasn’t that at all, and constant rumors that they were breaking up/taking some space/sharing cryptic messages to Instagram.

Well, now it’s the real deal. A report from Us Weekly in November of last year said that the two “haven’t been spending time together” because of their busy work schedules. It also noted that Woodley’s friends were not fans of Rodgers, and that’s when I knew it was never going to work out. You can’t marry someone who your friends say isn’t “the best match.” Brutal.

May Woodley fly free from this relationship. I am glad that we can go back to talking about the more interesting things about her, like how she uses beet juice for lipstick. More importantly, she no longer has to post about her boyfriend’s big dick in the face of his own vaccination scandal.