Ryan Cabrera's Wedding Aesthetic Was 'Disney Adult With a Drinking Problem'

‘Welcome to the shitshow’

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - JANUARY 23: Ryan Cabrera (L) and Lexi Kaufman attend the GRAMMY Gift Loung...
Maury Phillips/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Allie Jones

Ryan Cabrera, the 39-year-old pop-punk singer and former boyfriend of Ashlee Simpson, Audrina Patridge, and Riley Keough, got married on Saturday in front of God and 360 of his closest friends in Palm Desert, California. His bride is a 30-year-old WWE star named Alexa Bliss, and the two seem very happy together. Their wedding, unfortunately, was a nightmare.

Ahead of this weekend’s celebration, Cabrera and Bliss sat for a lengthy interview with People, and the details they revealed about themselves and their wedding plans are haunting. “It’s very us,” Cabrera said of the couple’s wedding aesthetic. “The whole thing’s meant to bring out our personalities, and we are far from just normal.”

Just how NOT NORMAL did this event get? Read on to find out, if you dare.

Ryan Proposed At Disney World After His “Team” Liked Alexa’s Posts

First thing’s first: After a long career of dating famous women to bolster his own dwindling profile, how did Cabrera finally meet the love of his life? Well, according to the man himself, he had some help from his “team.”

Cabrera told People that while he was appearing on the WWE reality show Miz and Mrs. (yeah, even I hadn’t heard of this one), his “team” started “liking” posts from other WWE stars, including Bliss’s. He said that someone on his team must have “had a crush on Lex,” because they were “liking” all her posts from Cabrera’s account. “She was freaked out,” he said. “I didn’t even know about this. I had no idea.”

“It was weird,” Bliss told People. “Over a week, I would get four or five notifications per day, like, ‘Ryan Cabrera liked your tweet. Ryan Cabrera replied to your tweet. Ryan Cabrera liked your tweet.’ I was like, 'OK. He needs to calm down. I don't even know this guy.’”

Somewhere along the way, Cabrera regained control of his Twitter account from his rogue, horny team member, and he began chatting with Bliss directly. The rest is history: They fell in love and Cabrera ultimately proposed at Disney World in November 2020. Cabrera and Bliss both love Disney, obviously.

The Theme of the Wedding Was “Rockstar” and “Welcome to The Shitshow”

How do two Disney adults express themselves on the most important day of their lives? With pink hair, pink outfits, pink neon signs, and slogans that gesture at an unchecked drinking problem. “Our wedding has been self-deemed ‘the shit show,’” Cabrera told People.

To make this clear to the guests, Cabrera and Bliss installed a neon pink sign with a misplaced apostrophe — “The Cabrera’s Sh*tshow” — at the entrance to the wedding. You can check it out in guest Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Instagram below.

Three Members of *NSYNC Were There (Not Justin or JC)

Gellar was not the only star to appear at this exclusive event, which had a 360-person guest list that was “weeded down” from 608, per Cabrera. Also in attendance were Gellar’s husband Freddie Prinze Jr., Seth Green, Debbie Gibson, and the three most important members of *NSYNC: Joey Fatone, Lance Bass, and Chris Kirkpatrick. Here they are singing the harmony parts of “Bye, Bye, Bye” at the reception:

Cabrera’s former roommate Avril Lavigne served as one of the bridesmaids in the couple’s 32-person wedding party.

There Were Several Branded Alcohol Bars But No Food

As Cabrera stated to People, this was not a normal wedding. Instead of a “chicken and steak dinner,” the couple opted to pack the reception with five branded alcohol bars and some snacks. Per People, guests enjoyed a Patrón tequila bar complete with a “margarita bike,” an Amass gin bar, an Absolut vodka bar, a Jameson whiskey bar, and a wine and beer bar featuring wine from fellow WWE divas Brie and Nikki Bella.

“Dinner” consisted of two food trucks, no assigned seating for 360 guests, and no wedding cake. Instead, Cabrera and Bliss “each sabered a bottle of champagne.”

“We’re going to toast,” Cabrera said. “It’s really about the celebration of the moment, saying that we're now married, and so we're going to pop the champagne.” Uh-huh.

There Was No Sex On the Wedding Night Because Ryan Was Getting Drunk

If it’s not obvious by now, this wedding was about drinking nine different kinds of alcohol in the desert, not having sex. Cabrera revealed to People that he made this clear to his bride in advance.

“We’re not separating the night before because we have to get up early, and I already told her, ‘Wedding night, babe, I am partying. You're not getting no action that night. So you better get it the night before,’” he said. “I’m just being honest. I’m partying hard after the ceremony. I would be shocked if I don’t end up in that lake.”

With any luck, that’s exactly what happened. Best wishes to the happy couple.