Everyone who's anyone got married this past weekend. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez had a lavish ceremony on his fake plantation in Georgia, Sheryl Sandberg married Jon Bernthal’s brother in a “western-inspired” yee-haw hoedown in Wyoming, and Sarah Hyland and former Bachelorette contestant Wells Adams finally got hitched at a vineyard in California. Six of the most famous people in the entire world all getting married on the same weekend? What are the odds?
Let’s start with the one you all want to know about:
Sheryl Sandberg and Tom Bernthal
Theme: Billionaire Cowboy. According to People, the outgoing Meta COO and the marketing executive share “a love of country music” and incorporated “a number of Western touches in the ceremony including the groom's outfit of cowboy boots and jeans.” The groom’s brother, sort-of famous hot actor Jon Bernthal, was spotted by a local who told Page Six that he was “playing football in a big ol’ cowboy hat!”
Guests: The more famous (but less rich, probably) Bernthal was there, as was Secretary of State Anthony J. Blinken, according to Page Six. Glitzy! There were also “four helicopters seen flying back and forth to the top of the mountain at the resort.” What is this, girl squad night at Taylor Swift’s house?
No-Shows: No word yet on whether Mark Zuckerberg dragged his assless torso out of the Metaverse to celebrate his former employee’s nuptials. I’m going to guess no, seeing as there was recently an investigation into her use of company resources to plan this wedding.
Would I Want to Be There: No, there was only like, one hot guy and then a bunch of the lamest millionaires you’ve ever heard of.
God, that was so boring. We need some glamour, some real star power.
Sarah Hyland and Wells Adams
Theme: Normal Wedding. Three years after their engagement and two COVID postponements later, the Modern Family star and the former Bachelorette contestant tied the knot in what can only be described as standard fashion. In photos obtained by the Daily Mail, she’s wearing a pretty dress and he’s wearing a black suit. The ceremony took place at a vineyard in Santa Barbara, there was a photo booth, and the bride’s former coworkers were there. The only difference between this wedding and your college acquaintance Madison’s is that Sofia Vergara was in attendance.
Guests: As mentioned, Vergara was there, as was most of the cast of Modern Family. Jesse Tyler Ferguson officiated the ceremony fresh off his Tony win, and then spent the rest of the night with Julie Bowen, Ariel Winter, and Nolan Gould. Also in attendance was Vanessa Hudgens, because if there’s an event with a camera within a 100 mile radius of Los Angeles she will be there.
No-Shows: Hyland’s TV dad, Ty Burrell, is either really good at not being in group photos or he RSVP’d no. Time to start a rumor that there’s major beef there.
Would I Want to Be There: Ya know what, probably. I bet the bar was very open and the dance floor was fun.
Last, but not least, I guess it’s time to talk about Bennifer.
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck
Theme: Elevated Antebellum. In a nod to traditional American values, Lopez wore a custom Ralph Lauren gown while walking down the aisle at Affleck’s faux plantation in Riceboro, Georgia. All the guests wore white, presumably so that they would match the main mansion on the estate, which is literally called “The Big House.” Obviously, no one has been allowed to post on Instagram, but you can see the photos here.
Guests: Who wasn’t there? Well, we’ll get to that in a moment. Matt Damon was there, as were Jay and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes).
No-Shows: Weirdly, Casey Affleck was not in attendance. A source told People that he wasn’t there “unfortunately because of family, parental obligations at home." His girlfriend Caylee Cowan, in a now-deleted Instagram comment, wrote, “Hey, if you weren’t in town Saturday to take Atty to soccer practice then who would’ve helped the kid who broke his arm?” Atty is Atticus (okay…), Affleck’s son. So, I guess he was on orange slice duty this weekend. He later posted a weird, old paparazzi photo of himself with his brother and Lopez on Instagram, captioning it, “Welcome to the family. Get ready for some real dysfunction! Kidding. I am kidding.” What a weird dude.
Also not in attendance was Affleck’s ex-wife Jennifer Garner, who was at Sam’s Club in South Charleston, West Virginia. She was “super friendly … taking photos with fans and in a good mood.” I’m sure!
Would I Want to Be There: Don’t be stupid.
Congrats to all three happy couples!