Miranda Kerr Pretends She Still Likes Orlando Bloom

"He's, like, to me right now, a brother."

LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 03:  Miranda Kerr attends the 2018 LACMA Art + Film Gala at LACMA on Nove...
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Oh Brother

Any divorcée will tell you that co-parenting is tricky business. You have to keep in contact with someone you probably hate for the sake of the living being that you brought into this world together. Former Victoria’s Secret angel and billionaire fugitive-lover Miranda Kerr is no stranger to the concept , as she is currently co-parenting her son Flynn with Lord of the Rings star and nude paddleboarder Orlando Bloom.

In an interview on the “Moments with Candace Parker” podcast, Kerr tried to pretend that she and Bloom are totally cool. However, Kerr is a model, not an actress, and in my opinion she could barely conceal a seething resentment towards her ex-husband.

"He's, like, to me right now, a brother. And most of the time, an annoying brother," she said. It is weird to call someone you used to have sex with a brother, and this also doesn’t make me believe that you two are good.

Luckily for Bloom, Kerr is a big fan of his new fiancée Katy Perry. “I'm so grateful that she's there because it takes the pressure off me,” she said. Not exactly a glowing review, but I’m sure that as a mother all you want is for some pressure to be relieved. Kerr went on to say that she loves Perry and they all go on vacation together. I’m certainly projecting here, but going on a vacation with my divorced parents ranks between living in Midtown and getting a paper cut every day for the rest of my life on the list of things I’d hate to do.

Between Bloom and Perry, Kerr has picked a favorite, even if it’s by default. “I mean, it'd be safe to say that I love [Perry] more than Flynn's dad." The shade of saying “Flynn’s dad” instead of “Orlando!” This is the divorce energy I want. Fuck that dude. You tell ‘em, Miranda.