Justin Bieber Looking to “Squish Out” a “Nugget” With Hailey Bieber

Justin Bieber, a man I am certain hates his wife, is looking to have a baby. In Justin Bieber: Our World, a new documentary premiering this week on Amazon, the “Sorry” singer reveals that he hopes to have a child with Hailey Bieber, and asks her if they can start trying at the end of 2021.

Of course, he did not say, “I would like to have a baby with my beautiful wife.” This is a man who became famous at 14, and as such has had his adolescent mind preserved in amber. No, Bieber said that he is looking to “squish out a nugget” with his model spouse.

Confusingly, in the Daily Mail’s headline for this hot, breaking news, they actually say he is looking to “squash out” a “little nugget” before writing the actual quote, which uses “squish.” Either way, it sounds like he’s looking to take a tiny little poop with Hailey Bieber. I can only assume that the long distance high school from which he got his diploma did not require him to take a sex ed class.

In the film, Bieber asks his wife, “At the end of 2021 how about we start trying?” The Daily Mail did not reveal Hailey Bieber’s reaction to this inquiry, but I’m sure she was overjoyed at the prospect. Despite all my best efforts (three blogs thus far), she is still convinced that Justin Bieber is the man for her.

So, congrats to the Biebers, I guess. I look forward to hearing whatever Christian-adjacent name you choose for your little nugget — I hope it’s Gospel.