Since Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck filed for separation in 2015, Affleck has dated a string of women including SNL producer Lindsay Shookus, Playboy model Shauna Sexton, Selling Sunset star Emma Hernan (Raya DMs only), his Deep Water co-star Ana de Armas, and now, of course, his fellow real estate investor Jennifer Lopez. In that same amount of time, Garner has only dated one man: John Miller. At least, that’s what Us Weekly wants you to believe.
The storied tabloid first broke the news of Garner and Miller’s alleged relationship in October 2018, right around the time her divorce from Affleck was finalized. The editors splashed out the story on the cover with a striking headline: “AT LAST! JEN MOVES ON: In Love With a Regular Joe!” Joe, John, what’s the difference. At the time, Us reported that Miller was a 40-year-old CEO of a company that makes burgers with robots (“CaliBurger”). A source revealed that the duo had been dating about six months, and that things were getting serious.
Neither Garner nor Miller ever confirmed their relationship to the press, but Us Weekly ran several successive stories about them anyway, noting that Garner was “head over heels in love” with her regular new man. Other tabloids reported that they were both spotted in a couple of the same places that October and November: an L.A. performance of Dear Evan Hansen, a Dodgers game. In January 2019, they walked out of the same L.A. sushi restaurant at different times. A source told Us Weekly that Garner and Miller were “totally set on a long-term future together.”
More than three years have passed since this early flurry of coverage about Garner and Miller’s relationship, and the pair are reportedly still dating. Us Weekly broke the news just this week that their respective children met each other for the first at Garner’s 50th birthday celebration this month, and that it was “casual and easy.” Despite these apparent strides in what the tabloids desperately want us to believe is a serious relationship, Garner and Miller have never attended an event together or spoken about each other in public. Come to think of it, Miller has never spoken about anything in public. This is probably because he doesn’t exist. Think about it.
His name is John Miller
If you had to make up a name for Garner’s fictional new boyfriend and wanted to evoke the idea of a “regular Joe,” what would you come up with? Well, Joe, maybe. But John Miller is probably second.
He is the CEO of a company no one has ever heard of
According to Us Weekly, Miller founded CaliBurger, a chain of fast-food restaurants that employ robotic technology. Have you ever seen one of the company’s supposed 50 locations? Me neither. Oh, but here’s an ad from their Instagram advertising free food in the Seattle area. Very lifelike performances from the actors in this one.
The “company” has not shared anything else on its Instagram since posting this video — in 2019.
He wrote a book called The Handbook of Nanotechnology Business, Policy, and Intellectual Property Law (sure)
Here is Miller’s bio as it appears on his company’s website:
“John Miller is Chairman & CEO of Cali Group. Prior to founding Cali Group in 2011, he was the second employee at Arrowhead (NASDAQ: ARWR) where he was responsible for formation, growth, and sale of Arrowhead’s electronics business unit. John graduated Order of the Coif from Stanford Law School and is an author of The Handbook of Nanotechnology Business, Policy, and Intellectual Property Law as well as various other publications related to nanomaterials and nanoscale electronics.”
I’m sorry, but I know predictive text when I see it.
He rarely appears in photos
Just Jared says this is a photo of Garner talking to Miller through his car window this week. Do you see anyone in the driver’s seat?
This man is a ghost, and I wish he would stop haunting the editors of Us Weekly.
