I Wish Ryan Reynolds Wasn't Canadian

Once again, Netflix is assaulting us with another extremely paint-by-numbers algorithm-generated big-budget action movie. This time, we have three extremely bankable and attractive stars — Gal Gadot, Ryan Reynold and The Rock, who we are supposed to call Dwayne now — doing some type of heist. Who cares?

This movie doesn’t need to make sense. But I would like to take a moment to talk about Ryan Reynolds, who is the exact same in everything he’s in. Back when we still had real movie stars, many of them seemed the same in every movie. That is fantastic when you have the charisma and freaky-ness of someone like Tom Cruise. But Ryan Reynolds is just Ryan Reynolds. He’s sarcastic, he’s a wife guy who “trolls” his life partner online, he’s allegedly relatable, blah blah blah. This type of extremely famous man is nothing new, but as a Canadian I wish he didn’t represent my country in any way at all. I wish his Twitter handle (VancityReynolds) made no reference to British Columbia’s largest city.

Against all odds, Canadians sometimes become extremely famous. Once this level of fame is reached, they pretend they’re not really Canadian and just throw us a bone every once in a while. Think Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, Seth Rogan, or even someone like Will Arnett. It’s not that they flat out deny Canada as their nation of origin, it’s just that they have outgrown the small mindedness of representing Canada, of being a local celebrity. That’s why Gosling has a Brooklyn accent despite having grown up in London, Ontario. And yet Reynolds still insists on using that Twitter handle.

Canada has been responsible for a lot of bad people, like William Shatner and David Frum, but I would argue that Ryan Reynolds is our worst export. He’s starred in exactly one good movie (Definitely, Maybe) and yet, he is inescapable. Smug ads for his inexplicably successful gin company, Aviation, are all over the United States, so my American colleagues have to look at his blank, handsome face all the time. He has thankfully given Canada this one mercy. But please, Ryan Reynolds, just have an ounce of dignity and leave us alone. Why couldn’t Seth Rogen be the star to publicly embrace his Canadian identity? At least he’s cool!