House of Smoochi: Lady Gaga Wanted to Bone Salma Hayek

If anyone can make an Oscar campaign into a work of art, it’s Stefani “Lady Gaga” Germanotta. If you put a microphone in front of her, the Italian girl from New York will reveal literally anything about the process behind her role as Patrizia Reggiani in Ridley Scott’s second-best movie of 2021, House of Gucci. Along this long and winding road, we’ve learned that she was in character for a year and a half prior to shooting, that she needed a psychiatric nurse towards the end of filming, and that she was concerned that the real-life Patritzia would show up at any moment to do god knows what.

With Oscar nomination voting beginning in a week, Gaga is continuing to reveal House of Gucci details that are a wet dream for the people who write IMDb trivia. At an MGM Studios House of Gucci U.K. panel, Gaga told the audience that there was a portion of the movie that was cut where Patritzia develops a sexual relationship with Salma Hayek’s character, a psychic named Pina who helps her plot her husband’s murder.

“This is a testament to [Scott] as a director because he allowed us to go there,” Gaga said. “I remember being on set with Salma and going, 'So after Maurizio dies, maybe it gets hot?' And she was like, 'What are you talking about?'"

The way Hayek says “You think she’s kidding” speaks volumes. I just know that this cast is tired of Gaga. Sucks for them, because I want this to go on forever. And to be fair, who wouldn’t make up an excuse to kiss Salma Hayek? She’s stunning.

If Gaga does not get nominated for an Oscar, we will all be worse for it. She’s saying all of this while we’re only on the runup to nominations — imagine what kind secrets she’s holding back to actually win. I want the “Bad Romance” singer to release a behind the scenes podcast about the film that is just her monologuing for 45 minutes an episode. I want her to host a Zoom screening where she does live commentary about what she was thinking in every single scene. I want to know whether or not she actually had someone killed to prepare for the role. Most importantly, I want her to release the results of her independent investigation of the Capitol riots.