Grimes Fails to Hide Secret Upstairs Baby from Vanity Fair

Grimes, although talented at many things — making music, posing for photos, and posting through it — is not very good at keeping a secret. The “Kill v. Maim” singer, who is on the cover of Vanity Fair this month, invited reporter Devin Gordon to her home in Austin to talk about her new album, Book 1. Things went off the rails almost immediately, when Gordon heard a crying baby upstairs. This was not the nearly 2-year-old X Æ A-12, Grimes’s known child with Elon Musk. It was Y, a baby girl that Grimes and Musk welcomed via surrogate in December.

In what is the most exciting moment in a celebrity profile in years, Gordon hears “what sounds vaguely like a lone cry from an infant upstairs.” When Gordon asks Grimes if there is a new baby in her life, the singer says, “I’m not at liberty to speak on these things.” Here is what happens next, according to Gordon, who deserves all the credit for this major scoop:

I suggest we pause for a moment to discuss the surreal professional ethics at play, which are that I can’t pretend I don’t know she’s got a secret baby with the world’s wealthiest man hiding upstairs. Especially when she invited me here. It’s a calming period that breaks with a sitcom punch line: full-blown infant screams upstairs, followed by the voice of a woman pleading SHH.

I’m sure you have questions (I know I do). I will now try to answer those questions to the best of my ability.

Why did Grimes invite a reporter to her house when she knew she had a crying baby upstairs?

Well, in her words, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Didn’t she and Musk break up sometime last year?

Again, in Grimes’s own words: “I would probably refer to him as my boyfriend, but we’re very fluid. We live in separate houses. We’re best friends. We see each other all the time…. We just have our own thing going on, and I don’t expect other people to understand it.” Girlie, that’s just called having a standard famous-person relationship.

Does Grimes feel like she’s been “engineered” to be “the perfect companion” to Musk?

Unfortunately, yes.

Will Grimes be mad that all the headlines that come out of this profile be about her and Musk having a secret baby?

Mmm, probably. But that is honestly on her. Again, she is the one who invited a reporter into the same house as her colicky baby.

Are those two going to have more kids?

You betcha. They want “three or four.” Musk, who has five children from his first marriage, seems to be going for a Cheaper by the Dozen vibe.

Okay, I’m exhausted processing all of this. Let’s do a fun one. Does Grimes watch Euphoria?

Yes! She identifies as a combination of Rue and Jules.