Elon Musk Is the Nick Cannon of Space

The billionaire now has enough children to form a union that he would oppose

  Elon Musk attends The 2022 Met Gala Celebrating "In America: An Anth...
Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

Good morning, chickadees, there’s more news about Elon Musk’s extremely powerful sperm today. A report released by Insider on Wednesday night revealed that the SpaceX CEO and alleged hair transplant survivor had twins with one of his executives in November of 2021. The woman, Shivon Zilis, is the director of operations and special projects at Neuralink, Musk’s “brain-machine-interface implant company.” She has worked at various Musk companies since 2016.

In case you want to update your records, that brings the number of Musk children up to nine. He has five children with his first wife, Justine Musk, two with Grimes, and now two with Zilis. Those paying close attention will note that Zilis had her twins around the same time that Grimes had her second child with Musk. The three children were born just weeks apart.

Insider reported that Zilis moved to a $4 million home in Austin (where Tesla is headquartered) in August, three months before the twins were born. They also discovered that while Musk claims to live in a $50,000 modular home in South Texas, according to court documents filed to change the twins’ last name he and Zilis both list her pricey abode as their main residence.

What does one man need nine kids for? Well, let’s look at another famous man with an ever-growing brood for guidance: Nick Cannon. He said in 2021 that he was having so many kids because of “the beauty of fatherhood” and that he loves being around “that youthful energy.” That’s actually kind of sweet, but it doesn’t really feel like he and Musk are having kids for the same reason.

Insider notes that Musk is very concerned about declining birth rates, and the need for smart people to have children. (By his own logic he should probably start wearing a condom, ba-dum tss!) Earlier this year he tweeted a Wall Street Journal graphic on “fertility slump” and then noted that he is “doing [his] part.” Because the one thing we need is more children raised by someone who spends most of his time tweeting Rick & Morty memes.

It’s hard to say if Musk’s kids even like him that much. In June, his daughter Vivian changed her last name, writing in her petition that she did not wish “to be related to my biological father in any way." Sounds like he, unlike Cannon, is a bit of a deadbeat dad. Congrats on the twins, though.