Another year has come to a close, and with it, many celebrity marriages. The guy from Imagine Dragons separated from his wife and started dating Minka Kelly. Ali Wong dumped her husband and allegedly started dating Bill Hader (don’t worry, they already broke up). Real Housewife of Potomac Ashley Darby announced her separation from the Dreaded Michael Darby, and of course we are all praying that decision holds. Who’s next?
Over the course of 2022, we have been closely watching several celebrity unions for signs of discord. Some have already divorced; some are getting closer to drawing up the paperwork; and some have miraculously come back together again. Here’s where they stand going into 2023.
Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen: Divorced
We officially placed Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen on Divorce Watch on September 1. On October 28, the couple announced in two passive-aggressive Instagram statements that they were, in fact, splitting, and had already finalized a settlement. Now, Brady is spending Christmas Eve in a hotel by himself, and Bündchen is living free and easy, no longer having to worry about her husband incurring brain damage every Sunday. These two are officially off Divorce Watch; congratulations to them.
Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra Jonas: Downgraded to Divorce Side-eye
At the end of last year, we placed Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra Jonas on Divorce Watch based on some interesting comments that Priyanka made ahead of the holiday season. When asked what traditions she had with her husband of three years, the actress was stumped. “I think we're still about building traditions,” she said. “Our big tradition is trying to spend Christmas together because we're always doing so many things apart.”
Uh-huh. This year, however, the two seem to have gotten their act together. They just did a pre-Christmas pap-stroll in Nick’s hometown of Montclair, New Jersey, so they can check their one big tradition off their list. Oh, and they also had a baby earlier this year. Looks like these two are committed to keeping up appearances for at least another 18 months.
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel: Upgraded to Divorce Warning
I’m afraid the situation between Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel is getting dire. We officially placed the pop star and actress on Divorce Watch in May, as the two were getting ready to celebrate their 10-year anniversary and couldn’t help sharing how LONG their marriage felt to entertainment reporters. But we didn’t know then how bad it really was: In October, Biel revealed the two had done a vow renewal in Italy over the summer. And this is what they wore:
I give them another six months.
Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump: Divorce Watch
New to the list this year are the hottest couple in Miami (dry heave) Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump. My antenna first went up in November, when Ms. Trump announced she would not be working on her father’s presidential campaign in 2024. This decision was probably motivated by a number of factors, but I bet one of them is that Kushner and Trump would prefer not to be under more scrutiny as their marriage is falling apart. According to Page Six, the new Florida residents were “cold” to each other at a yacht party two weeks ago, and a source told Radar Online earlier this week that their union is “toxic.”
“It’s all falling apart,” the source revealed. “They’re always fighting and can barely contain their growing animosity for each other even when they appear in public.”
Life is about to get so much better for Karlie Kloss.
Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell: Divorce Now, Please
Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell have been on Divorce Watch since Gawker relaunched 18 months ago. Since then, they have continued to share their general contempt for each other and their family life with anyone who will listen. They have also continued to overshare about their two young daughters, who are probably going to emancipate themselves when they turn 13. Just recently, Shepard said on a podcast that he and his wife “did not want to have a second child” but decided to bring new life into the world in order to give their older daughter a playmate. Now the girls are “united against us, which I love,” he said.
Bell also said in October that she would love to do a vow renewal next year on the couple’s 10-year wedding anniversary.
Give it up already, guys.