Brad Pitt Asks, “What's That?” Before Running Away Right After We Look

Brad Pitt is a busy man these days. He’s got a collection of God-approved cashmere to hawk on Goop, a new line of genderless grape serums to sell to Vogue readers, and over the summer he went on an all-out press tour to promote his boring new film Bullet Train. And now he’s on the cover of Billboard talking about the music studio he renovated on the grounds of his winery? For someone in the midst of a nasty legal battle regarding his ex-wife Angelina Jolie’s sale of her portion of the winery, he sure seems to have a lot of time to do press.

But that, of course, is the point. The Billboard cover story is the latest move in a calculated PR strategy that positions Pitt as something of a renaissance man. He’s definitely not the kind of guy who, if you believe Jolie, allegedly assaulted both his wife and children while aboard an airplane in 2016. No, no, no, he’s just a chill dude who’s super stoked to open Miraval Studios, where, in his words, “This artist hangout is what’s happening.” Whatever that means.

Pitt is working on Miraval Studios with French “wunderkind” Damien Quintard, who, in exchange for participating in the actor/producer/vintner’s “holy grail” venture, is now officially part of the Pitt Image Upkeep Project. And man, is that project working out exactly as planned.

Despite most of the Billboard piece ostensibly being about Quintard, the Moneyball actor can’t help but steal much of the spotlight — his name appears about the same number of times as Quintard’s — with quirky sound bites. He says things like “We’re open for biznass” and “[The studio] needed a cuddle.” Could a guy who says stuff that stupid also be an abuser?? Pitt and his PR team (the same one employed by Johnny Depp) would obviously like us to think “no.”

What could be next on Pitt’s press tour? Maybe a Variety story about how he produced not one, but two powerful movies about women speaking out about sexual assault (Women Talking and She Said, both aptly named). He will speak on women’s bravery in the face of dangerous, powerful men — and, should questions start getting a little too personal, well, what a coincidence, he’ll suddenly have another pressing engagement to get to. More grapes to harvest, more soft-lensed profiles to sit for.