Brad Pitt Is Flailing

One box office flop, one winery lawsuit, and one fake girlfriend later, it's suddenly not 2019 anymore

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - DECEMBER 15: Brad Pitt attends the "Babylon" Global Premiere Screening at ...
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Pitt Falls

Last year, my colleague Fran Hoepfner asked the question, “Where does Brad Pitt go from here?” Angelina Jolie had just revealed new allegations of abuse against him in legal documents pertaining to their embattled winery Chateau Miraval, Babylon had yet to come out, and he was shilling both pricey serums made from grapes and Father’s Day deals on cashmere apparel. Two months later, we finally have an answer to Fran’s original question: Brad Pitt goes to Cabo!

In the wake of Babylon completely bombing at the box office, Pitt jetted down to Mexico with his latest fake girlfriend, Ines de Ramon. Page Six — a publication that is regularly kind to Pitt — got the exclusive photos, which show Pitt and de Ramon sunbathing on the fancy loungers that are actually in the pool. He was looking pale while studiously reading what appears to be an enormous script, and she was topless, with her back conveniently facing the camera. It’s almost like they knew the cameras were there.

If it’s not obvious, Pitt is flailing right now. What’s a guy supposed to do when his big Oscar bait movie needs to make $250 million to break even and is currently sitting at a paltry $10.8 million? The only thing he really can do is deflect, which is why we know where he’s vacationing at the moment. Nothing says “Do not talk Babylon shitting the bed” like getting photographed next to a hot woman no one has ever heard of who’s in a sort of sexy pose.

But he can only get so much out of de Ramon, who is not famous enough to keep Pitt’s personal life interesting for more than three months. Looking ahead, what does Pitt have that can keep the positive headlines coming? According to his IMDb page, Pitt has one acting project in development (a Formula 1 movie helmed by Top Gun: Maverick’s Joseph Kosinski), and nothing else. In December, the New York Post reported that he would be starring in a new Noah Baumbach movie alongside Adam Sandler for Netflix, but that was never confirmed.

Things are looking grim for Mr. Pitt, I fear. Without the capability to be charming on a press tour in the near future, what does he have? A “29”-year-old “girlfriend” and a mess of a lawsuit that is still ongoing? Abuse allegations and a production company whose two big Oscar plays aren’t making any noise? A friendly relationship with the tabloids and room temperature tap water?

If there is any good news for Pitt to start off the new year, it’s this: Bullet Train is currently No. 8 on Netflix’s top 10. Although on my homepage, he isn’t even on the thumbnail. Apparently I’m more likely to hit play if I see Aaron Taylor-Johnson.