Beyoncé Thanks Her Cops

They graduated from they Beyhive Police Academy with honors

Los Angeles, CA, Sunday, March 14, 2021 - Beyonce makes History with the Best E&B Performance winnin...
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Protect and Serve

Beyoncé’s seventh album, Renaissance, dropped last night. Well, that’s when it legally dropped. If you know at least one cool gay person you probably already heard it when it leaked on Wednesday. That is unless you were one of the cops in the Beyhive who were threatening to send IP addresses of leakers to Beyoncé herself. In that case, thank you for your service, according to Queen Bey.

Turns out narc behavior is all it takes to get into Beyoncé’s good graces. The singer released a statement today thanking the stans who have yet to kill the cop in their mind.

“So, the album leaked, and you all actually waited until the proper release time so you all can enjoy it together,” she wrote. “I’ve never seen anything like it. I can’t thank ya’ll enough for your love and protection. I appreciate you for calling out anyone that was trying to sneak into the club early. It means the world to me.”

To my fellow criminals who just wanted to get a little taste of the first Beyoncé album in six years, I stand with you. We did nothing wrong. We were basically stealing a loaf of bread to feed our family; it’s not our fault we were starving.

“Thank you for your unwavering support. Thank you for being patient. We are going to take our time and enjoy the music,” the “XO” singer wrote. “I will continue to give my all and do my best to bring you joy. I love you deep.”

Patience is overrated as a virtue, in my opinion. Did a few people listening to a leak stop Renaissance from dominating the conversation the moment it dropped? No. Let us rebels have our fun without the threat of legal action. Remember, all cops are bastards, and that includes the cops who report to Beyoncé herself. That being said, stream “PURE/HONEY.” (I could have told you that two days ago, though.)