Beyoncé Stans Being Real Cops About 'Renaissance' Leak

As an intelligent person who lives in the world, I am sure you have heard of the trolley problem. It’s one of the great philosophical conundrums of our time: Do you kill one person or many? Is there any moral decision? What if I told you that just today, I came across an even more challenging problem in real life: Do I listen to the leaked version of Beyoncé’s Renaissance or wait two days until it’s properly released?

The most fervent members of the Beyhive know their answer, and it is to absolutely never listen to a leak and report anyone who dares even mention it. In short, they have graduated from the academy and are now members of the BGKCPD (Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter Police Department).

Several Beyoncé stan accounts went out of their way to stay in mommy’s good graces, making sure everyone knew that Queen B and Parkwood, Beyoncé’s production company, would sue their ass into oblivion for even thinking of sharing a leak.

In one deleted tweet, user @BeyonceStreams wrote, “We have the IP addresses of 11 accounts spreading the ‘Beyoncé leak’ currently and are emailing them to Parkwood seniors so they can all be prosecuted individually. Please @ leakers below here so we can collect more, thank you.” Narc alert!

Now I, of course, would never listen to a leaked album. It’s disrespectful to the artists who have worked hard on a project, and I would never want to keep them from the $0.0001 they get from my Spotify stream. But these stans are testing me. What are they gonna do if I trip and accidentally open a DropBox link? You gonna sic Miss Tina on my ass? As Beyoncé herself said, release your anger.