On Sunday, Angelina Jolie attended what by my count was the 57th premiere of Marvel’s latest movie that Kumail Nanjiani got a new body for (Eternals). This one was in Rome. At first, the story from the red carpet was that Jolie brought along two of her daughters, Zahara and Shiloh. The trio took lots of nice photos together:
But then, eagle-eyed Getty Photo freaks noticed something else. From the front, Jolie looked great in her Versace gown. But from the back, uh oh.
Someone messed up her hair extensions real bad.
How did this happen? Who is responsible? What are we going to do to them, and will the Italian government and/or the Pope look the other way when we do it? These are the questions that have been running through my mind since I first saw the photos of Jolie’s unbelievably unblended extensions this morning. The only answer I can come up with is that the 46-year-old actress has been cursed by a demon who emerges from the hot molten center of the earth every seven years to occupy the body of a member of her glam squad.
Perhaps you remember the translucent powder incident of 2014.
Jolie, who was then still married to Brad Pitt, attended the premiere of The Normal Heart, which Pitt produced, in New York City. As usual she looked great, except for the light-reflecting powder all over her face, which was presumably applied by a makeup artist under the spell of the aforementioned demon. Tragic. And spooky.
We don’t know why bad things keep happening to Jolie, but we do know that they are happening on a schedule. In 2028 we will be ready.
