Is your pediatrician trying to take away your gun? (Probably!) You should move to Florida, where a new law would prevent pediatricians from asking about guns in the home. Thanks, NRA, for telling doctors what they can, and can't, do.

Florida's state legislature passed a bill this week outlawing bestiality. The bill was introduced in 2008 after a notorious case involving a pet goat. Today in Florida every person with a bestiality fetish is going: Wait, it was legal!?

Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist always wanted to be president, and was in the hunt to be John McCain's vice presidential candidate in 2008. Then the Tea Party emerged and threw his 2010 moderate-Republican campaign for Senate off the tracks. Now he's just another liberal plaintiffs' attorney plugging personal injury services, in Florida. Watch his TV ad and cry! [via RealClearPolitics]

Elmer McGuirt entered a Tampa-area Wachovia branch yesterday afternoon with a threatening note, and walked out with a bag of the bank's money.

Here's another story of high school gender confusion, this one coming from America's great pulsating phallus, Florida. It seems a Tampa-area teen wore high heels to school, causing an uproar. The uproar? This teen was a boy. In high heels! What is this, Crazy Town?

Attention, Florida! Do you recognize the man in the video above? The police would like a word with him, regarding how he peed on the cough drops at the Walgreens in Sanford. And, Florida, while we have your attention:

A group of Florida criminals have just pulled off one of the great produce-related crimes of our time. From the Times:

The homeless of St. Petersburg, Fla. have become the unlikely stars of a series of fetish videos in which they were treated like human "punching bags" by scantily clad women. In exchange for the filmed maulings—some so severe they put the recipients in the hospital—they were given $50 by Jeffrey S. Williams, the 58-year-old website manager of shefights.net. Now two of the men are suing.

Things narcissists do to embarrass themselves on the internet: post embarrassing self-portraits on Facebook, beg websites to use cuter pictures of them, and edit their own Wikipedia pages.

Question: Is there anything grosser than a worm-strewn sidewalk after an afternoon downpour in the suburbs? When every concrete surface is slathered with waterlogged nightcrawlers, lying in heaps like flesh-colored boogers?

A 30-year-old Alabama woman who sparked one of the greatest food fights of all time inside a Panama City Beach, Florida Burger King has been charged with a laundry list of crimes: felony criminal mischief, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and two counts of misdemeanor battery. Shit, that's rough. An official statement on the accused, Kimesa Smith, via the The News Herald:

Anyone hoping the harrowing saga of Florida 11-year-old Jessi Slaughter might have a happy ending will be sorely disappointed.

Two weeks after shooting a home invader dead with a pink .38-caliber gun, Florida beauty queen Meghan Brown is ready to cash in. The Daily reports that, in the days immediately after the shooting, Meghan "modeled thigh-high stockings and a black corset laced up with a hot pink ribbon—all while aiming a shiny pistol." Why, you ask?

92-year-old Helen Staudinger went to her neighbor's house and said she wouldn't leave without a kiss. When the man refused, she went home, got her gun, and fired at his house. That is one grandma you don't want to mess with!

Miami! A town where you can stroll through South Beach in fashionable clothing, or—if you happen to be a black male—you can be shot by the police. Either/ or.

A 92-year-old Florida woman, Helen Staudinger really wanted a kiss from her 53-year-old ex-cop neighbor, Dwight Bettner on Monday. But when he turned down her advances and walked back home, Staudinger fired four shots from a pistol at his house, according to Reuters:

Mitchell Tice, a resident of Florida (of course), was arrested for breaking into his boss' storage locker and stealing two laptops, a wig, and a bag full of dildos. Tice kept the sex toys under his bed, which is how the police identified him as the criminal.

Two years ago, Florida firefighter and paramedic Cindy Economou served six months of probation for second-degree petty theft for stealing a disembodied foot from the scene of a car crash with the ulterior motive of using it to train her cadaver-sniffing dog. Economou's excuse: "It was an unrecognizable mass of flesh. It wasn't a clean cut. You couldn't even recognize it as a foot… If I had thought it was somehow reattachable and usable, I would have gone to my commander." Well, in that case—hmm, no, still horrifying.

Are you caught up on the most recent sex crimes somehow connected to Disney World? Well, you should be. First there was Disney reservations clerk Wilbert Brookins, arrested last week for trying to rape a woman in her Disney hotel room after he'd gotten her an "employee discount" and escorted her through the park. Although she was very specific: "she said at the time she would not exchange sex for this."

Like so many of us, Naples, Fla. resident Hersha Howard is guilty of loving Girl Scouts Thin Mints cookies. She is also, according to Naples deputies, guilty of attacking her roommate, for taking her Thin Mints.