Perhaps inspired by yesterday's news that Chris Klein doesn't blame Tom Cruise for the disintegration of his engagement to Katie Holmes, an intrepid Defamer operative delved even further into the actress's past, accosting Joshua Jackson, Holmes's ex-boyfriend and Dawson's Creek co-star last night. Says our man on the bathroom beat:
A sex-on-television survey from The Kaiser Family Foundation has been released (we imagine Ma, Pa, Skippy and Cindy Lou Kaiser gathering around a black and white, oak-cabineted behemoth, pen and paper in hand) and the results are disconcerting: Sex, it would appear, is everywhere, beginning with the grammar-deficient lede to this AP report:
The actual WENN/IMDb story is only a rehash of yesterday's Page Six item, but the snappy headline more than makes up for the lack of newsiness. However, we can't endorse the moral judgment implied by the choice of "whore," both in Alba's original comment and by the editors. The motorcycle chick, the horny maid, and yes, even the perky-breasted, showering Tawnya shouldn't be labeled in such a negative fashion for being comfortable with their bodies and celebrating their sexuality. One day, bathed in soft lighting on the set of Dangerous Passions III: Stewardess Academy, Alba will realize this and finally embrace the full range of her talent.
· Warner Bros. says it's targeting older audiences with the PG-13 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, hoping to attract gullible pervs who think the more restrictive rating indicates that Hermione finally flashes a nipple. [Variety]
· NBC is number one! NBC is number one! OK, it's in product placement, but at this point they'll take anything that doesn't involve the words "fourth place." President Kevin Reilly is expected to take the entire company out for cupcakes to celebrate this hard-fought moral victory. [THR]
· Steve Jobs says Pixar is in "deep discussions" with Disney and if the two companies are to hammer out a new agreement, he hopes to have it done by the end of the year. Disney CEO Bob Iger, emboldened by Chicken Little's good enough opening, vows to only "beg a little, with a minimum of crying," and only if Jobs "asks politely." [Variety]
· Showtime reportedly axed 10 percent of its workforce this week; a spokeman says the cuts were in preparation for parent company Viacom's corporate split, not a knee-jerk response to a rumor that HBO was planning to let one of its production assistants go. [THR]
· Bull's Eye Entertainment develops for TV, including comedy project The Group about a rock band in therapy, and a small screen version of Paul Haggis film Crash, the tentatively titled The Racism Is Bad! White Guilt Melodrama Hour. [Variety]
Further blurring Entourage's hazy fiction/reality lines (Ari Gold-the-character sitting in Ari Emanuel-the-inspiration's Lakers' seats; Bono giving Johnny Drama a shout-out, in the middle of an actual U2 concert), the NY Post reports today that Aquaman, the fictional project that drove most of Entourage's second season plot, is now Aquaman, the very real Smallville spinoff, coming soon to a WB affiliate and Whopper wrapper near you:
One might argue that anyone not smart enough to realize that signing up for a reality show is tantamount to waiving one's Constitutional right not to look like an asshole on television is barely competent enough to wrangle wayward shopping carts in the Ralphs parking lot, much less serve under Donald Trump in the ceremonial capacity awarded to Apprentice winners. Staring down the manicure on The Donald's Downsizing Pinky of Death stirs something in a dismissed candidate's soul, however, and compels boardroom chaff to whine about their depiction:
Radar's report on the videotaped defilement and robbery of Girls Gone Wild mogul and recent Lindsay Lohan-autograph recipient Joe Francis, and the Paris Hilton-entangled events that led up to it, has been made available on their website. We must warn you, however: though there are no objectionable photos, merely thinking the name "Joe Francis" in conjunction with "Paris Hilton" stamps this entire business with a big, fat 'NSFW'.
Not-yet-launched Time Warner-AOL entertainment site TMZ.com has sent out an e-mail blast about Paris Hilton's crack-up outside Hollywood club Element late last night, complete with pictures (click the image above to enlarge). Hilton's shipping-heir-of-the-moment, noted stunt-driver Stavros Niarchos, was apparently behind the wheel, and given the location of the accident and the candor of one of the passengers (a Laguna Beach cast member, naturally), the gang was chased not by the paparazzi, but by a giant bottle of Grey Goose. Says the press release:
Attention all Fox employees unlucky enough to be at their desks at this ungodly hour: This is just a friendly reminder that your infinitely benevolent masters are once again offering you a very special treat at the Commissary and the News Cafe. That's right, Foxies, they're generously affording you the opportunity to purchase "Pam-Cakes," everyone's favorite promotional breakfast treat (with the possible exception of the Prison Break Shower Sausage) to celebrate tonight's special pre-cancellation presentation of Pamela Anderson's Stacked. Get yourself down to the mess hall before they're gone, but eaters beware: The flapjacks look fluffy and delicious on-camera, but up close, they're distressingly wrinkled and unappetizing.
· Rosie O'Donnell offers her opinion on Martha Stewart's Apprentice, in her inimitable psycho-haiku form: "greed killed the apprentice/like it did millionaire/more is not always better/4 marthas//burnett phoned it in/shame shame shame/y was she in donalds board room/and not her barn in bedford/just lazy really...vision gets blurred/loss of perspective/money makes most dizzy/katrina killed reality tv." Whoa, big R, way to harsh our buzz with that dark finish.
· Lewis Black to get loudly agitated over low-pressure systems.
· If crashing into the electricity substation doesn't kill you, the bees certainly will. [via BoingBoing]
· If you're really, really lucky, Coldplay's Chris Martin may call you and croon some of his trademark brand of future elevator music into your cellphone.
· Brazilians finally develop, but refuse to deploy, gay-television-kiss technology.
The always-reliable National Enquirer reports on the maddeningly vague "improper conduct" firing of Desperate Housewives actor Page Kennedy, a.k.a. The Guy Under The Mysterious Black Neighbors’ Stairs. And our earlier guess notwithstanding, it seems that Teri Hatcher's bagel did not figure in the abrupt dismissal:
The early awards season buzz was that George Clooney's performance in Syriana, for which the actor famously scaled Charlize Theron-level heights of self-uglification in the name of his craft, would be submitted for Supporting Actor categories only. No longer, says the Los Angeles Times's The Envelope's GoldDerby blog:
· Music round-up: Bif Naked at the Viper Room; Broken Social Scene do a second night at the Henry Fonda; the Rolling Stones stop by the the Hollywood Bowl again, giving you a pretty good approximation of what it would be like if your grandparents were in a rock band and you caught your parents smoking a joint in the parking lot before their show.
· It's Margaret Cho's world, we just coexist uneasily in it: The C.H.O. briefly performs and signs Assassins, her just-released DVD, at the Virgin Megastore at Hollywood and Highland.
· Eastsiders unwilling to travel as far west as the ArcLight (gasp!) for AFI Fest can get their festival fix at the 4th Annual Indie Music Video Festival at the The Echo and Echo Park Film Center.
Imagine for a moment that you're an up-and-coming young actor who lands a recurring role on one of the biggest hits on television. You show up to your first day of work, upon which an assistant director motions over to a basement set obscured by near total darkness, and says, "Welcome to your new gig! Now go crouch under those stairs and don't say a word." Being a classically trained professional, you bite your tongue, and make the most of your dialogue-free, lighting-free 'big break.' You take your place, whispering to yourself, "Don't screw this up, don't screw this up! Everyone in America shall know the name of the Guy Under The Mysterious Black Neighbors' Stairs!" Then you eat Teri Hatcher's bagel:
A former guest at Girls Gone Wild Chief Titty-Inspecting Officer Joe Francis's Casa Aramara compound (doesn't your house have a name and a website?) in Puerta Vallarta snapped this pic of the estate's guestbook, where a vacationing Lindsay Lohan scrawled these heartfelt words for her gracious host: Joe: I love you, marry me? I know you love 18 yr olds. No, but seriously, thank you so much. Everything was amazing and you were a fuckin' great host. I'll be back to torture ya. Love always, Lindsay. P.S. Wear a condom Joe & keep your tongue in your mouth. La La Loo. You can click the above image to see a larger, more easily readable version.
It's been a losing battle for Jennifer Aniston to veer her recent spate of promotional interviews towards the topic of her new movie, the aptly-titled Derailed. Instead, she is predictably bombarded with endless questions about the obvious subjects: Brad Pitt, Vince Vaughn, Vince & Brad, Brad & Vince, plus the occasional curveball (Jake? Oprah?). In order to make sense of it all, a heart-healing round-up:
· CBS joins NBC in offering free content for a low, low $.99 price, through Comcast's on-demand system. NBC, also reportedly close to a deal with Apple to make their content available for the iPod, ups the ante by promising downloaders that they'll have the added ability to cancel anything from their Fall schedule directly from their handheld media player. [Variety]
· Blockbuster endures a "hefty" $491 million third quarter loss, prepares for the day that their stores become very cheerfully decorated squats (with almost unlimited microwave popcorn!) for the homeless. [THR]
· Laura Linney strives for "2004 Ben Stiller" levels of ubiquity, will simultaneously film the comedy Man of the Year and spy thriller Breach. [Variety]
· "Ashton Kutcher already has joined the cast of the action drama." Are there any sweeter words in all of Hollywood? [THR]
· "What do you mean Uwe Boll's not available? OK, what other video-game specialist hack needs to eat this week? The Resident Evil guy? Bring him to me!" [Variety]
Perhaps filled with the joy of impending parenthood and feeling momentarily generous, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes allowed Holmes's ex-fiancé Chris Klein some time outside of their dungeon. The former actor stretched his legs, enjoyed the sunlight, and assured the world that Cruise had nothing to do with their break-up:
