In an apparent reversal of a frustrating prude streak, Jessica Alba taunts the public with the possibility that she may—under the right circumstances, with a compelling character reason, and in the sure hands of a respected auteur—get all sorts of buck naked in a movie:

On any other day but the very special occasion of Tara Reid's 30th birthday, "You've come a long way, baby!" might come across as a trite sentiment. But after all we've been through together over the past months, as we grew unhealthily involved in Reid's globetrotting Taradise adventures (Nooo! Don't drink the entire bottle of grappa while waterskiing! Don't do it!), that well-worn phrase evokes both her public, personal evolution from party girl to party goddess and the physical distance traveled in search of the perfect open bar. Holy shit, we're tearing up. We're not gonna cry!

The LAT finds itself knee-deep in Boom Boom today, unearthing further details in the recent sale of landmark Laguna Beach gay bar The Boom Boom Room, which we noted Wednesday. While the involvement of airplane tycoon Steven Udvar-Hazy (so rich he has a Smithsonian building named after him) is undisputed, it's the widely rumored Brad Pitt and George Clooney-stake in the enterprise, and their subsequent denials, that has added a patina of A-list curiosity to your otherwise run-of-the-mill "greedy corporate breeders VS. pop n' pop shop" conflict. A little history:

Think someone at NBC was a Six Feet Under fan? Our pal Andy Towle at Towleroad does.
· At the UK premiere of that black-and-white movie about the commies, Clooney puts to rest all speculation that he'd have a reason for buying that gay bar: “I’ve no preference towards anyone, ladies or men, Italian or American.” Also, it seems that Clooney coldcocked a dude, just for good measure.
· We have only three words to say about Howard Stern's one-day suspension, served tomorrow: F Tom Chiusano. [SFX: golf club swing]
· We are shocked—shocked!—that Lindsay Lohan hasn't given a lot of thought to the college selection process.
· Most depressing headline of the day: NBC's big bright spot: Jay Leno. Ever seen a peacock put its head in the oven? You might soon.

Shar Jackson, ex-Moesha star and famously abandoned mother of Kevin Federline's first two children ("Y'all ain't ready for fatherhood!"), recently sat down with Sister 2 Sister magazine and relayed the sad but unsurprising news that Federline schedules more weekly face-to-scalp time with his personal cornrowing professionals than he does with his own offspring. What's more, Federline was putting the background moves on Spears well before he had ended things with Jackson:

· We know that we descend into reflexive adolescent depravity every time Liz Phair visits town (she's at the House of Blues on Sunset tonight), but she was an integral part of the autoerotic development of many indie rock nerds of a certain-age. Elsewhere: Broken Social Scene at the Henry Fonda; Dean Ween plays with side project Moistboys at the Troubadour.
· Margaret Cho, John Cameron Mitchell, Kelly Osbourne, Yo La Tengo, Alan Cumming and others come together at Avalon for WedRock, an "evening of all-star comedy and music" benefiting Freedom to Marry.
· Writers Bloc presents 60 Minutes' Mike Wallace in conversation with Judy Muller of ABC News at the Temple Emanuel in Beverly Hills. No matter how hard we wish for it, they never seem to dress the speakers in inflatable sumo costumes and force them to grapple on stage.

NBC executives have stumbled onto a creative solution to their recent ratings woes, and it's exactly the kind of out-of-the-Idea-Box thinking that made these kind of drastic, "we'll do anything—but make good television!" solutions necessary in the first place: charging the public for the same, free NBC-Universal programming it doesn't watch to begin with:

Is there anything even remotely newsworthy about Drew Barrymore being spotted at the Baja Fresh at the corner of Sunset and Fairfax, even by this site's lax standards? No, there is not. But if a reader takes the time to go phonecam paparazzi on someone of Barrymore's stature, we feel an obligation to post the picture. Our spy's report of the encounter follows after the jump, in which the utterly normal-seeming star's apparent kindness is repaid with a candid Motorola shot of her ass.

The Rheins-Westlake Winery will serve no wine before its time. And when exactly is the correct time to sample their exclusive "Jesus Juice" Merlot? Easy! Simply wait for the big hand to touch the little hand! (And to the anonymous author of that highly versatile, always funny joke: we salute you.)

The Sunday NY Times chronicled Memoirs of the Geisha's noble march through the development process, in which Sony bravely ignored the project's poor prospects for Happy Meal tie-ins, its lack of malicious, sentient stealth bombers threatening the world with nuclear annihilation, and its tragic dearth of Caucasian-friendly roles to finally deliver an Oscar-baiting holiday moviegoing experience:

Kate Hudson can't win. If she puts on some pregnancy weight, the tabloids slap her with an insensitive nickname like "Hippo Hudson," then splash fleshy, full-color portraits of the mom-to-be all over their covers. If she develops an eating disorder to quickly melt off those postpartum pounds, suddenly she's on a "dangerous diet" and cast as the Olsen twins' pro-ana sponsor. Exasperated by her glossy tormentors' Catch-22 tactics, Hudson has filed suit:

· With an eye towards cleaning up at next year's holiday box office, Fox signs Ben Stiller for A Night at the Museum, in which Stiller will star as a security guard who "unwittingly unleashes a curse that brings to life the bugs and animals on display." Excuse us. Stiller will star as a twitchy, neurotic, and impotent-rage-prone security guard who "unwittingly unleashes a curse that brings to life the bugs and animals on display." [Variety]
· Despite CBS's killer hurricane and NBC's live debate on The West Wing/two-hour L&O:SVU counterprogramming Hail Marys, America still preferred to watch the creepy, gay-seeming pharmacist contemplate date-raping Marcia Cross on Desperate Housewives. [THR]
· Michael Douglas mercifully chooses a role which will probably not require any further restorative plastic surgery, signing up to play "an eccentric and manic-depressive father who becomes obsessed with his belief that there's buried treasure in the San Fernando Valley" in the Alexander Payne-produced King of California. [Variety]
· Now that an Everybody Loves Raymond spinoff looks like a longshot, Brad Garrett realizes that he might need someone to find him a job, hires William Morris to hunt down the appropriate sitcom second-banana roles and CBS MOWs. [THR]
· It's William Morris Signing Day! Catherine Zeta-Jones returns to the welcoming arms of longtime WMA agent George Freeman, whom she jilted for CAA two years ago. [Variety]

Ashlee Simpson is no doubt busily scrawling lyrics on every available surface for her next 'thoughts-on-my-most-recent-public-humiliation ballad' ("Unhappy meal/Feelin' small as a McNugget..."), dropping soon at an image-reparative SNL performance near you. But we'll give Simpson bonus points for pluck; never one to let a round of mortifying press get her down, the spunky poptart simply picks herself up by her stylist-selected bootstraps and bravely moves on to the next cringeworthy chapter of her life. An operative reports:

After an almost unprecedented run of bad press and public relations blunders, including, but not limited to, the botched announcement of his relationship with, sudden engagement to, and suspicious premarital knocking-up of Katie Holmes, a full-on assault against the pseudoscience of psychiatry and the dangerous street drugs its nefarious agents push on children and celebrities with the "baby blues," and the co-opting of the War of the Worlds press tour as a platform to celebrate the aforementioned relationship and anti-psychiatry assault, Tom Cruise has finally thrown publisister LeAnne DeVette under the couch, replacing her with professional PR firm Rogers and Cowan. (Come on, did you think Cruise was going to go crawling back to Pat Kingsley?) Variety reports on DeVette's new role on Team Cruise:

It was California politics per usual this past Saturday, in all its sobering, dignified glory, as Warren Beatty, with steadfast she-unit Annette Bening at his side, tried to crash a Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger political rally at a San Diego airport hangar:

Don't feel bad for Vince Vaughn. It takes time for new lovers to learn each other's bodies, and truth be told, Aniston has been really understanding about his inability to become aroused anywhere but on a balcony in Chicago, surrounded by paparazzi.

Monday mornings are hard enough without waking up to discover that God Himself purchased almost $20 million in movie tickets, just to mess with what should have been some alarmingly accurate box office projections.

It's come to our attention that e-mail to the tips@defamer.com address might be bouncing back with an error message. Hopefully, this problem will be cleared up early on Monday morning, but in the meantime, we'd love you forever (Have we told you how pretty/handsome you are lately? Well, you are!) if you would send e-mail to defamer[AT]gmail.com until the nerds tech people get it sorted out. Thanks!

· Care Bear John Lesher leaves Endeavor to run Paramount Classics, hoping what he lacks in experience he can make up for in hugs.
· Ashlee Simpson earns her Doctorate in Public Asshology at a Toronto McDonald's.
· Yo, Trop: You got served! (With a lawsuit claiming racism.) Yo, Omar Sharif: Ditto!
· Warner Bros. lets the pink slips fly on Big Harry Potter Payday Eve.
· Brad Pitt and George Clooney have reportedly bought themselves a little gay bar to call their own, which they subsequently deny, deny, deny.
· A truly frightening Halloween: Bunny Paris hops over to the Playboy Mansion with various things stuck to her ass, as does Jeremy Piven, who also makes an appearance at Rick Rubin's bash dressed as a Bruce Lee with a black-belt in satisfyin' the ladies [SFX: Gong].
· Donald Trump's frank sex-talk causes the Great Baby Draught of 2006.
· Cameron Diaz insists acting-deficient boyfriend Justin Timberlake get a pivotal voice-over role in Shrek 3, causing DreamWorks' Jeffrey Katzenberg to plan a hit.

· Warning: Following this link to an animated image of Paris Hilton's mastery of one "look" may result in the involuntary loosening of your bowels and/or seizures. Click at your own risk.
· Photographs of Tara Reid looking inebriated are the planet's only true inexhaustible resource.
· Who will win the live West Wing debate? Our guess: Whatever's on CBS at the time.
· Jack White makes selling out seem so cool and authentic.
· Hey, dueling Popes!
· This story about the all-girl band that Bono pulled on stage to play an impromptu song would be awesome and heartwarming if a) we had a sense of awe or a heart, b) it didn't absolutely reek of pre-planned publicity stunt, c) all the world's impromptu-pulling-of-girls-onto-stages magic hadn't been consumed by the Dancing in the Dark video in 1983.