Today's LAT uses Zathura's weak opening and the difficulties in finally getting Fun With Dick and Jane into theaters to kick off another installment of Journalists Making Studio Executives Admit That Their Movies Are Shitty. This time, Sony's Amy Pascal is once again forced to answer for Stealth, XXX: State of the Union, and the rest of her Little Columbia Underachievers, and plays the "Hey, they sounded like good ideas at the time" card:

Sorry about that irrational exuberance about the accuracy of the weekend's projections. The boss's couch is quite comfortable, and he's expecting you shortly.

· How do you know when it's time to can your publicist? How about when Queen of the Celebrity Salad Tossers disses you on morning television?
· The Men of Katie Holmes' Past finally FINALLY! speak up about her current, ahem, situation. Verdict: Have a happy silent birth, Volcano Girl!
· Girls Gone Wild mogul Joe Francis will never look at a pink vibrator in quite the same way again. At least he has the warm n' fuzzy-wishes in his guest book to cheer him up.
· Fox is probably taking Arrested Development behind the barn and putting it down.
· The Guy Under The Mysterious Black Neighbors Stairs gets fired from Desperate Housewives, cloaked in mysterious, widely speculated-about allusions to "improper conduct." By week's end, he's mostly forgotten about and replaced, Hollywood-style!
· A recently shitcanned Apprentice writes in to protest his mistreatment at the hands of The Donald.
· Entertainment Tonight puts their psychics to good use.
· Warren Beatty and Annette Bening crash a Schwarzenegger rally. It didn't hurt: voters shoot down all eight special electing initiatives, sending the Governor running to IMdB for the words by which to comfort his supporters.
· Stupid Paris Hilton gets into a stupid wreck in her stupid boyfriend's stupid Bentley.

Our invitation must've been lost in the mail, but thanks to the generosity of our readers, we now know the not-so-secret location of Tara Reid's wrap party for her 20s. Given the guest of honor's legendary contributions to the alcoholic arts, the event's planners were forced to tap the deepest recesses of their creative faculties to come up with new twists on the typical Hollywood say-goodbye-to-your-earning-years bacchanalia. Their proudest creation is a custom-built, Swarovski crystal-encrusted dunk tank designed to hold over 500 gallons of top-shelf vodka. Once all the guests have arrived, Reid will take her place inside the tank, and parytgoers will hurl dodgeballs at a stop sign-sized target, plunging the giggling birthday girl into the 80 proof spirits below over and over again. After a few dunk-cycles, limes may be added for taste.

Out magazine will release its annual "Out 100" issue Tuesday, "which honors annual significant contributions to gay life," but the NY Daily News had a sneak peek at this year's list of interior decorators, reality show contestants and has-been actresses noteworthy honorees:

Friday
· Death Cab for Cutie at the Wiltern, The Clientele, Radar Brothers and Annie Hayden at the Knitting Factory; Stars are doing an in-store at Amoeba Music right now, so better hurry if you want to see them for free.
· Me2, a one-woman show about "true story of a Kentucky girl’s transformation to a Beverly Hills darling" (something that about one in five Los Angeles residents—and one in two pricey escorts—can probably relate to) plays at the Globe Playhouse in West Hollywood tonight and Saturday.
Saturday
· KCRW DJs Jason Bentley, Raul Campos, Gary Calomar, Tricia Halloran and Eric J. Lawrence drop by Vidiots Video to screen and discuss their favorite movie songs. Party to follow, with hardly any interruptions asking for listeners to donate money to keep public radio vital.
· 826LA joins in a six-city celebration of McSweeney's new young adult anthology Noisy Outlaws, Unfriendly Blobs, and Some Other Things That Aren't as Scary, Maybe, Depending on How You Feel About Lost Lands, Stray Cellphones, Creatures from the Sky, Parents Who Disappear in Peru, a Man Named Lars Farf, and One Other Story We Couldn't Quite Finish, So Maybe You Could Help Us Out.
Sunday
· The Microphones at the Troubadour; Brendan Benson at Spaceland; and Dntel at the Knitting Factory.
· Sinai Temple hosts a Book Soup event with high-powered literary lovebirds Jonathan Safran Foer and Nicole Krauss, who'll chat about "their remarkable success and how it’s showered them both with Hollywood kisses of praise." Nah, that shouldn't make any bitter writers resent them in the slightest.

We have no idea why, but we're feeling a little cocky about this weekend's box office predictions. Refinance your mortgage, let it all ride on these amazingly accurate numbers, and in the unlikely event that we're wrong, we'll let you crash on Nick Denton's couch until you get back on your feet.

Turns out one of yesterday's To Do listings, an evening at the Improv touting a very special guest "who was on an amazing Comedy Central show that ended way before its time bitch, led some of you to believe Dave Chappelle (who was doing a show at the Comedy Store later that night) would be showing up for a set. HAHAHA! Suckers! (All right, fine, we bought it too.)

Look, it's Friday, and we can barely read the tiny little words on our monitor because this hangover is making our eyeballs vibrate uncontrollably. (Which, in fact, is not an altogether unpleasant sensation.) Still, this made us laugh, then wonder how drunk Johnny Knoxville would have to be to mistake this Jessica Simpson stand-in for the real article and attempt to wreck his marriage. Enjoy.

Grab a corner of this blanket of thanks and help us joyfully toss this week's sponsors into the air, would you? If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and drive your competitors wild with jealousy over your embracing of the blog "revolution," see this page.

It was a slice of humble, Bavarian cream pie for Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who saw all eight of his initiatives voted down in Tuesday night's state election. Never one to shy away from a movie-inspired self-reference, Arnold told a press conference:

· As far as we can tell, THR has the same details as yesterday's Var story about Arrested Development's reduced episode order, but goes the extra mile and declares the show canceled. Are the trades splitting hairs, or is the Deathwatch officially over? [THR]
· While News Corp. yearns to suckle profits from the internet's money-teat, earnings statements remind it that its old-timey talkies business is where Rupert Murdoch's bread is buttered. [Variety]
· Paramount continues its commitment to comedy, comedy, comedy, picking up SNL's Amy Poehler and Wedding Crashers' Isla Fisher's Groupies, a pitch about, um, groupies. [Variety]
· Scarlett Johansson is in negotiations to star in the movie adaptation of The Nanny Diaries. (Yes, as the nanny.) It's a bold, risky move by the Weinstein Co., who are ignoring The Island's producers' warnings that Johansson can't open a movie. [THR]
· No matter how many votive candles we light, rosaries we pray, or Sally Struthers-approved children we sponsor, Peter Berg continues to get work. [Variety]

No matter how many movies Zathura producer Peter Billingsley sets up, he'll never be able to escape that bar of Lifebuoy Soap, the hilarious colleagues at premieres pointing their finger guns and saying, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid," or pitch meetings starting with, "You know, I only really took this 'cause I'm such a fan of A Christmas Story, Ralphie, uh, I mean Peter."

After months of silence, attack survivor Oprah Winfrey went on Good Morning America and bravely relived the harrowing events of May 23rd, in which "lovestruck" actor Tom Cruise wrestled Winfrey to the ground, then repeatedly brutalized her couch as the terrified host looked on helplessly:

A shooting in a Pittsburgh multiplex Wednesday night has resulted in a death, and the removal of the 50 Cent film thought to have incited it:

We don't care how angry Sienna Miller seems, or what blunt object she's swinging as she rushes towards you in a blind rage. A professional does not shrink from an attack by someone in pink legwarmers and Ugg boots under any circumstances.

· Nashawn Kearse might have taken Page Kennedy's job, but he can't replace his spirit. Well, unless he starts whipping it out on set.
· Conan O'Brien went to Harvard, so naming his new baby Beckett is totally acceptable.
· We have seen some terrifying shit on Craigslist in our day, but nothing quite as chilling as what may one day be referred to as Exhibit A.
· It's a scientific fact: A celebutante's lazy eye is 300 percent funnier when illustrated by a jaunty graphic.
· Johnny Cash's daughter is so upset by her mother's portrayal in Walk the Line that she walked out of a screening five times. Did someone not get enough attention while daddy was out on tour?
· Our mentally ill compatriots at Gawker continue their obsessive quest to catch the fake David Cross.

Looking for a way to let off a little steam after a tough day's work, maybe even meet someone while you're at it? Care to have the entire thing captured by Dr. Phil's cameras so that the Bald Drawling One can then pour over the footage in front of a national audience, analyzing your every tequila-fueled, regretful come-on? Then our pals at LA.comfidential have pointed us to the answers to your prayers:

The sadistic bastards over at Variety certainly have a sick sense of humor, don't they? Army Archerd gives them 137 years of service, and they repay his loyalty with a blog? The just-retired Archerd bravely accepts his fate, and perhaps to flip the bird to his inhumane corporate tormentors, announces that he's going to deprive himself of the lifeblood that nourishes the interwebosphere:

· The High Times Comedy Night at the Hollywood Improv has Zach Galifianakis, Todd Glass, Greg Fitzsimmons, and a surprise guest, whose identity is obscured with the following impenetrable clue: "a hilarious comedian who was on an amazing Comedy Central show that ended way before its time — bitch." Hmm. That's a thinker! And after that show, the Improv hosts the Underground Lounge with Andy Kindler and Dana Gould.
· The I Hate Comedy Music Round-up: Piebald at the Trouabdour; My Morning Jacket at the Henry Fonda Theater.
· The Roosevelt hosts the Red Carpet Boutique shopping event tonight. A portion of the proceeds will go to the The Step Up Women's Network, which should erase whatever tiny amount of guilt you might feel about paying a $20 cover to shop and eat a crab cake.