After the Friday morning jet crash that killed four people and left musicians Travis Barker and DJ AM badly burned and hospitalized, some good news: though both men are still in critical condition, the medical director of the Georgia burn center where they are being treated says they are expected to make full recoveries.
We're finding out the hard way this morning that an Emmy hangover is the worst kind of malaise: All rank breath, regrets and resentment, bundled up in a headache of knowing there must be something else you missed while watching the television industry implode. And now we know — it was an only slightly less torpid weekend at the movies. Still, it's never too late to wash down some of that bitter aftertaste with a run through the Monday Morning Box Office: 1. Lakeview Terrace — $15.6 million Well, we nailed this one, finally locking down the complex Audience Demand Formula™ for Lakeview's known quantities: Samuel Jackson as a bad guy multiplied by interracial lust, raised to the negative power of Neil LaBute's post-Wicker Man directorial efforts, and that total divided by R-rated date-movie competition from Dane Cook. You try it!2. Burn After Reading — $11.3 million The Coens' latest dropped barely 40% in its second week, forcing hive-mind Clooney haters to spike their semi-annual "George can't open!" pieces for at least two years until he returns in the admittedly challenging Men Who Stare At Goats. At which time all bets are off, even ours. 3. My Best Friend's Girl — $8.3 million Or about $5 million less than tracking indicated. Maybe Dane Cook was right — his vagina-like face doesn't sell tickets after all. 4. Igor — $8 million All over America, families warmed to the story of a hunchback pursuing his lifelong dream of becoming a second-rate bit of animation left to dangle in the marketplace by Harvey Weinstein to the tune of $3400 per screen. 5. Righteous Kill — $7.7 million. Go ahead — insert your "De Niro and Pacino kept it up for a whole week" jokes here.
· Tina Fey does Sarah Palin does Tina Fey does Sarah Palin. But who did who better? And does it really matter? Obama, sadly, does nobody. His $9 million-a-plate dinner sells out, but there's not nearly enough buttah on it. · Here's a hint hint, pali pal: Lindsay Lohan's got no time for you narrow-minded, media-obsessed, moose-stalking types. · Pat O'Brien gets a little too hopeful. Yes he's canned! · Megan Fox still can't get the pungent scent of Nikita's perfumed thighs out of her mind. But did Nikita ever really exist? · "I'm Fucking Tim Conway" takes all the Creative Arts Emmys. · The first major 90210 cliffhanger has Luke Perry's DNA all over it. · You don't worry about Ben Silverman. Ben Silverman's got things all worked out. · Hey hey—it's The Mumpees! · No wonder Shenae Grimes is so grumpy. Now eat, tzatzkeleh, eat! · MTV VJ-alum Dave Holmes weighs in on the end of the TRL era. · New from the Franklin Mint: Shia LaBeouf's Keepsake Pinkie Nail. · "I don't care how you do it. Just kill the mouse." · How can we put this gently? While you were shooting your failed opus at Tisch, Diablo Cody was jamming toxic silicon toys up her ass for money. There! That wasn't so bad. · "Listen to me, Death: You are a rude, thoughtless little pig!" · Lynne Spears: mother, author, lost-childhood investigator. · Matt McConaughey's new movie made $36,497, or $36,457 more than Katherine Heigl's Zyzzyx Road. · And finally, please press your white linen slacks and join us right here, for a spectacular Emmys liveblog presided over by the inimitable S.T. VanAirsdale. We're predicting he'll win and she'll win. It's going to be a hoot!
Though a brief, instrumental version of the new James Bond theme was released alongside a Coca-Cola commercial last week, it's only now that we can hear the full, yowling power of the Jack White/Alicia Keys duet entitled "Another Way to Die." Equal parts hair metal, Bondian bombast, and just plain weirdness (with a healthy helping of White's own "Seven Nation Army"), it's definitely... different. Does it fit into the 007 oeuvre, or will it start Quantum of Solace off on a dissonant note? Enjoy the song (and the additional eye candy) in the video above. Amy Winehouse, your move! [Stereogum]
We don't know about you, but were starving. And nothing hits the spot at the end of a grueling week in the mines like a Dirt Sandwich, crafted with loving, homemade goodness by Defamer videographer Molly McAleer. This serving is stacked high with homoeroticism, slathered with Blonsky sauce, dashed with a hint of Sarah Palin and squeezed between two hot slices of Mario Lopez. Garnish with a sprig of Ellen Pompeo/primate-makeout mystery, and serve hot! Now that's living. And because we're generous like that, we'll even share a bite after the jump. Enjoy!
Click to viewBoomp3.com Opting to go without her trademark glasses, Emmy nominee Tina Fey still had to fight off the Sarah Palin comparisons and questions while leaving LAX baggage claim. Even the limo driver assumed that she was the wildly popular vice presidential candidate. Fey explained that she just played the Alaskan air huntress in a sketch and that she was becoming a bit tired of the comparisons. “She hunts moose and doesn’t know a thing about password protection," Fey said. "I made Saturday Night Live watchable for four years. I think I have more executive experience than her. Serkplatt!” [Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
Like Diablo Cody before her, Molly McAleer is not afraid to call someone out for being bad (just ask Shenae Grimes). Today's object of her disaffection is comedian Dane Cook, with whom Molls has a long, personal history that dates back to her college days as a sketch comic. Watch as our Ms. McAleer relates the time Cook screwed her out of her big break, then yelled at her for being friendly to his incontinent dog. All that, plus your weekend to-dos, after the jump:FRIDAY · The Bangles at the LA County Fair · Samantha Ronson at the Roxy · Red Scare on Sunset at the Attic Theater SATURDAY · Beck at the Hollywood Bowl · Gladys Knight at the Greek Theater · Dirtiest Sketch in LA at UCB SUNDAY · Hot Chip at the Wiltern · Goldfrapp at the Orpheum · My Morning Jacket at the Greek Theater
The GOP's shining stars may elude Brooke Hogan, but no one would dare try to ambush her with a quiz about Defamer's noble advertisers. Their taste, class and leadership are omnipresent, and we're grateful to have them along for the ride. We'll bet she can name you too; advertise here and find out! Special thanks to: 1800 Tequila, Choke (Fox Searchlight), Hotflops, Mike's Election Guide, Sebastian Hair Care, Starwood Hotels, TiVo and Unscrew America.
The new Ashton Kutcher-produced game show Opportunity Knocks is designed to quiz family members on just how much they know about each other, rewarding kin who can accurately answer the question, "How many vodka gimlets did Grandma down before NCIS came on tonight?" Kutcher's own family is a notoriously blended one, as his wife is Hollywood cougar queen Demi Moore, whose marriage with Bruce Willis bequeathed to Kutcher three daughters: Rumer, Scout, and...uh, the other one. In fact, it's that last, elusive Willis daughter who got Kutcher into trouble with the New York Times when he was quizzed about how well he knew his own family:
MSNBC reports today that based on adjusted ticket prices, the record-breaking summer Hollywood just enjoyed at the box office in fact hosted 5 percent fewer moviegoers than 2007. Even The Dark Knight was subject to a particularly troubling reality check, with the as-yet-unproduced Shrek 4 surpassing its unprecedented money-making prowess. Now that is phenomenal. Next up: Watch Iron Man 3 shatter Harry Potter's impossible dream in 2009. [MSNBC]
Though she's always been out on a limb as The View's resident conservative, Elisabeth Hasselbeck has found herself increasingly without allies over the past few weeks. First, she prompted a "Don't go there!" from an angry Whoopi Goldberg, then she sold out potential first lady Michelle Obama at a luncheon for Cindy McCain. And were the McCains grateful? Not so much! Why, it's enough to make a gal wonder if there's any place left to turn — and according to the National Enquirer, there is one deep, dark place:
Click to viewBoomp3.com Ballistic: Ecks VS Sever star Antonio Banderas sought a small dash of spiritual guidance before receiving an award at the annual San Sebastian Film Festival. Banderas gave a dry run of his acceptance speech. The only counsel God gave was to thank Him first and multiple times through out the speech. “Don’t you think that one mention at the beginning is justified?" Banderas replied. "I won’t come off as how do you say…needy?” God shrugged. “Look, dude, it’s your speech," he said. "Say whatever you want. I’m just trying to offer some constructive notes.” [Photo Credit: Getty Images] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
We could have trekked to this weekend's Fantastic Fest in Austin, but when it became clear that so much of the programming would eventually just come to us — and that Austin is in Texas — our minds were made up to stay put. Alas, look at what we missed: The World Air Sex Championships, the product of Japan's most sublimely dirty minds and the globe's most cutthroat faux-coitus competitors. It's exactly what it sounds like, and as such, the accompanying video requires little additional comment besides an obvious "NSFW" and congratulations to all the contestants. There truly are no losers here. [Viddler via SpoutBlog]
Not So Fast, Kath: In response to our post today about the Page Six rumor that Kathy Griffin would be taking My Life on the D-List to another channel, Bravo released to us this statement: "That's surprising since we've picked her up for another season of her series." Padma, Rachel, Housewives, we see you sneaking toward that door. Don't even think about it! [Bravo]
Though Shia LaBeouf is still recovering from wounds both real and imaginary, none are too fresh to stop actors Seth Green and Clark Duke from landing a few blows of their own. The Defamer-loving duo spoke to MTV while promoting their new comedy Sex Drive, and when they learned that LaBeouf had shamed their interviewer into carrying a bulky folder, the actors let fly with a volley of neverending LaBeouf insults that would put any "yo mama" contest to shame. Don't listen to 'em, Shia: plug your ears, pop in a VHS of Porky's II: The Next Day, and have a stiff drink (or five). [MTV]
· DreamWorks has finally closed their financing deal with India-based Reliance. Meanwhile, in a surprise maneuver, Paramount waived all of their former executives' commitments to the studio. A sovereign DreamWorks is born. [Variety] · ABC bought Flash Forward, a pilot for a possible companion show to Lost about what happens after the entire world blacks out for 2 minutes, 17 seconds. Cue Tara Reid shouting, "I'd be perfect for that show!"-joke in 3...2...1... [THR] · Let's Play Name the Cherry-Picked Influences: Sci Fi Channel has picked up Warehouse 13, a dramedy about two bickering FBI agents with great chemistry who are relocated to a government warehouse that stores supernatural objects. Score 10 points if you said X-Files, 25 if you got Indiana Jones, and 100 if you also happened to mention Moonlighting. [THR] · Jude Law is in final negotiations to play Watson opposite Robert Downey Jr. in Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes. [Variety] · Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau, Jason Bateman , and Who's Your Caddy? star Faizon Love will star in Couples Retreat, a comedy written by Favreau and to be directed by Ralphie Parker. [Variety]
The news that a respected Swiss film festival in plans to honor Sylvester Stallone with a lifetime achievement award was the cause of some distress this week at Defamer HQ. We weren't necessarily alone, but we weren't that black-and-white with it, either; surely he's a singular figure of Hollywood's last 50 years, but even sizable accomplishments like Rocky, First Blood, CopLand and the outstandingly violent fever dream that was Rambo 4 don't cast shadows long enough to block the sprawling, weedy malevolence of most of his work. His films have grossed a total of $1.7 billion, but how hastily should anyone jump to reward their artistic intentions and merits? No sooner did we ask ourselves that question than the answer roared forth from the stolid depths of his oeuvre. After the jump, find five primary clips that affirm Stallone's immortality — for all the wrong reasons.1. Staying Alive (1983): Stallone had steered the Rocky franchise to a Best Picture Oscar and about $300 million in box office by 1983, was atop Hollywood and ready for a new challenge. For whatever reason, he chose the misbegotten sequel to Saturday Night Fever to not only direct but also write, tone-deafly overshooting the demand to see Tony Manero jazz-dance his way to Broadway stardom. Still, conceptually and technically flawed as it is, not even Cynthia Rhodes's worst, longest ballad outmatches the egregious, "remember who's in charge here" tackiness of Stallone's cameo early on (see above). You, sir, get a Liftetime Achievement Award in Fuck Off. 2. Rhinestone (1984): Stallone sings. We'd say we appreciate him taking a chance outside his comfort zone, but really, we just don't. Neither should you. 3. Oscar (1991): After Rhinestone, Stallone waited seven years to return to comedy. His touch was no less abrasive despite direction by John Landis and co-stars like Kirk Douglas and, in this scene, the peerless (and peerlessly wasted) Tim Curry. It should have been a sign; alas, he would transgress even more garishly a year later with... 4. Stop or My Mom Will Shoot (1992): In the slushy gastric swamp of Really Deplorable Ideas, this indigestible nuggest signaled Stallone's point of no return — a tough benchmark to gauge considering Rhinestone and Rocky V are in here, too. But consider the evidence provided by... 5. Demolition Man (1993): For a period in the '90s, it became unfashionable to feature Stallone's slurry baritone in the promotion of his films. Demolition Man piled on the added ignominy of locking him bare-ass naked in some Cryogenic Grimace Machine until he could face down Wesley Snipes. The franchise that wasn't, and thank God.
Click to viewBoomp3.com On a mission to pick up some suntanning swag, popular vampire slayer/reality TV star Corey Haim happily posed with some fans. Well, one happy fan to be specific. The littlest fan said that Haim has been dead to her ever since he did the completely unnecessary sequels to Fast Getaway and Dream A Little Dream. Haim attempted to explain his reasons for making the sequels, but the lil’ fan threw her lil’ hands over her ears. The elder Haim fan asked if the Haimster would pose for a photo, which he happily agreed to. The elder fan picked up the little one, but she did her best to hide her shame. [Photo Credit: Splash Pic] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.
We've already run through our predictions for Emmy's comedy categories, but now it's time to sit down for forty-four minutes (excepting commercials) and soberly judge this year's crop of dramas. Again, we'll be blogging the Emmys live from the East Coast starting at 7pm EDT/4pm PDT, so if Mariska Hargitay lets loose with an expletive-laden diatribe or Jeremy Piven has a nip slip on the red carpet, you can be sure we've got it covered. Now, onto the predictions:Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series Boston Legal - James Spader Breaking Bad - Bryan Cranston Dexter - Michael C. Hall House - Hugh Laurie In Treatment - Gabriel Byrne Mad Men - Jon Hamm Don't even bother, House fans. Though Hugh Laurie turned in the compelling, two-hour season finale as his submission, Emmy voters love three-time winner James Spader, and his submission (which finds him passionately arguing a case before the Supreme Court) provides Spader with his biggest tour-de-force yet. If he's ever to lose, it won't be this year. Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series Brothers & Sisters - Sally Field The Closer - Kyra Sedgwick Damages - Glenn Close Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - Mariska Hargitay Saving Grace - Holly Hunter A toss-up! In a category filled with film refugees deigning to do TV (which Emmy loves), Sally Field won last year and notoriously gave a bleeped speech that will only solidify her as the incumbent in voters' memories. Her biggest threat is the cool, nefarious Close, but we'll side with inertia and predict Field as the winner once more. Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series Boston Legal - William Shatner Damages - Ted Danson Damages - Zeljko Ivanek Lost - Michael Emerson Mad Men - John Slattery All but two of the nominees are newcomers to this category, and last year's winner Terry O'Quinn is nowhere to be found. We think voters will reward his co-star, Lost MVP Michael Emerson, whose blockbuster episode submission included horse-riding, piano playing, action scenes, foreign languages, and a juicy scene grieving the death of his daughter. Plus, Emerson is no Emmy novice: he won the award in 2001 for guest-starring on The Practice. Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series Boston Legal - Candice Bergen Brothers & Sisters - Rachel Griffiths Grey's Anatomy - Sandra Oh Grey's Anatomy - Chandra Wilson In Treatment - Dianne Wiest If the category seems oddly mild this year, it's because of 2007 winner Katherine Heigl's infamous decision to pull her name out of consideration. As a reward to the co-stars who bit their lips and suffered in silence, we expect either Oh or Wilson to pull through as the winner, with a slight edge to Oh (after all, she once had to deal with Isaiah Washington, too). Outstanding Drama Series Boston Legal Damages Dexter House Lost Mad Men For party crashers Damages and Dexter, it's an honor just to be nominated. Like them, Mad Men is little-seen, but the difference is that it's watched by all the right people (and heavily appeals to older Emmy voters), so we expect a first-season surge to victory. What Would Don Draper Do if he had to go home empty-handed?
