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· Tina Fey does Sarah Palin does Tina Fey does Sarah Palin. But who did who better? And does it really matter? Obama, sadly, does nobody. His $9 million-a-plate dinner sells out, but there's not nearly enough buttah on it. · Here's a hint hint, pali pal: Lindsay Lohan's got no time for you narrow-minded, media-obsessed, moose-stalking types. · Pat O'Brien gets a little too hopeful. Yes he's canned! · Megan Fox still can't get the pungent scent of Nikita's perfumed thighs out of her mind. But did Nikita ever really exist? · "I'm Fucking Tim Conway" takes all the Creative Arts Emmys. · The first major 90210 cliffhanger has Luke Perry's DNA all over it. · You don't worry about Ben Silverman. Ben Silverman's got things all worked out. · Hey hey—it's The Mumpees! · No wonder Shenae Grimes is so grumpy. Now eat, tzatzkeleh, eat! · MTV VJ-alum Dave Holmes weighs in on the end of the TRL era. · New from the Franklin Mint: Shia LaBeouf's Keepsake Pinkie Nail. · "I don't care how you do it. Just kill the mouse." · How can we put this gently? While you were shooting your failed opus at Tisch, Diablo Cody was jamming toxic silicon toys up her ass for money. There! That wasn't so bad. · "Listen to me, Death: You are a rude, thoughtless little pig!" · Lynne Spears: mother, author, lost-childhood investigator. · Matt McConaughey's new movie made $36,497, or $36,457 more than Katherine Heigl's Zyzzyx Road. · And finally, please press your white linen slacks and join us right here, for a spectacular Emmys liveblog presided over by the inimitable S.T. VanAirsdale. We're predicting he'll win and she'll win. It's going to be a hoot!