If, like us, you have been furiously mainlining Sabor de Soledad thanks to the unconscionably long wait until 30 Rock's third season premiere, you're in luck: NBC has put the episode online in advance of its broadcast airing next week. For those of you who are still trapped at work and unable to spare a half-hour, we've excerpted one of the episode's funniest, earliest scenes: a confrontation between the deposed Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) and closeted usurper Devin Banks (Will Arnett). We can promise you a lot of homoeroticism, but sadly, no anal sex. [NBC]

Soloist Silenced Yet Again: AFI Fest is scrambling this morning after Paramount yanked The Soloist from the event's opening-night premiere slot — not a totally unforeseen move considering the film's recent bump to 2009, but one the festival and studio had both maintained would not happen so close to AFI's Oct. 23 bow. For now, anyhow, the studio's other awards-season dumpee Defiance is still on the fest slate for closing night. We actually wouldn't be shocked to see that film named the new opener and something like Frost/Nixon or Twilight moved into the closing-night spot, but who knows — festival reps are mum for now, saying only that the new selection will be announced later today. Call your shots. [AFI Fest]

After Regis confronted Whoopi Goldberg today about the inter-host fighting on The View, we had a feeling that our exclusive report about backstage tensions between Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselbeck might be addressed on today's installment, and that both Behar and Hasselbeck would summarily dismiss the conflict as a load of Sheetzucacapoopoo. What we didn't expect was the weird, elusive way the hosts attempted to talk around the issue.Sure, Hasselbeck denied the story, but Goldberg then assured folks that the View co-hosts would never have personal fights in front of the audience, neatly skipping the fact that the blowup in question was said to happen backstage. Also less than forthcoming? A major Behar/Hasselbeck reconciliation. The closest the two came was when Behar tactfully said, "If she doesn't say the crazy things she says, how can I say the crazy things I say?" Then, after deriding the gossip about their feuding, Goldberg launched into gossip about other celebrities feuding. Nice segue, Sister Act!

Disney's back-ordered fleet of Brinks trucks had better arrive soon: High School Musical 3: Senior Year is tracking for a $38 million opening weekend, with Beverly Hills Chihuahua anticipating another $6 million in its fourth week of release. Those grosses would likely land the all-ages tandem together in the Top 5 at the box office — the first time two non-Pixar Disney titles have shared that space since 1994. Useless trivia? We think not — and we aren't alone.Nikki Finke has her own interesting read this morning, pointing to the even rarer phenomenon of a cable movie franchise so lucratively crossing over to the multiplex. Series are one thing, and rarely a lock themselves (Disney only had a Hannah Montana blockbuster at the ready because it brought cameras on tour with Miley Cyrus), but we'll buy lunch at the Grill for the first reader who can name a made-for-TV feature that spawned a theatrical No. 1. (Opposite another cash cow like Saw 5, no less.) And then s/he can buy us a life. We'll have more fearless predictions tomorrow in our Defamer Attractions column, but in the meantime, expect Disney to have greenlighted Camp Rock 3D: Escape of the Jonases for IMAX by the the time you finish reading this sentence.

Lindsay Lohan has been busily reforging the career she whittled away during her extended stint as the Norte del Valle cartel's number one point-starlet—a plan which began, somewhat inauspiciously, with a six-episode arc on Ugly Betty, playing the title character's childhood menace. Now come reports that Lohan's set antics and an ongoing feud with Ugly star America Ferrera have reduced that number to four, and resulted in at least one unplanned flash of ginger from which the crew has yet to recover. Page Six reports:

A firefighter fights a blaze in Fontana, one day before the fire near the Getty Museum (AP Photo/Dan Steinberg)

Our friends at Go Ape Shirts have a new Star Trek themed t-shirt by Ralph Webb. “Bar Trekkin’ is available in sizes Small to XXL for $18. It’s probably the only piece of Star Trek fashion which won’t have everyone making fun of you behind your back (because non-geeks can be cruel sometimes…)

There are no words. Just the feeling of a pileface chill running through my body. Spencer's shirt: “Vote Palin For VP: God, Guns, Glory." Heidi's: “Read My Lipstick: Vote McCain-Palin.” Who needs campaign funding when you have these two? I don't care whose side you're on, I think we can all agree it's just smart campaign strategy. TAKE A RIDE ON THE TWATWAFFLE EXPRESS, AFTER THE JUMP! (via Gossip Girls)

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· Here's a fresh and intriguing concept: Matthew Perry falls off a bridge (no wait there's more) and becomes a teenager again. How will he approach high school? First kisses? Getting his license? The possibilities are endless! · Did you miss Ellen's comments today about Sarah Palin's crusade against gay marriage? It moved us to the point of making us want to find a nice lesbian and settling down. · Warner Bros. was found not guilty of copyright infringement in a $40 million lawsuit that claims We Are Marshall ripped off a documentary about the same college football tragedy. Approached for comment, Marshall star Matthew McConaughey smiled his high-wattage smile and offered reporters a morsel of the most delicious beef they've ever tasted. · "Alyson Hannigan Is Pregnant!" Sorry, brah. · Mr. Phil is getting sued by the memorabilia dealer who just put O.J. away, for editing his interview to make it seem as if the dealer was agreeing with the talk show host's incriminating questions about the case. We realize this is just a civil suit, but wouldn't it be nice if one armed hotel ambush put both O.J. and Phil away?

Oliver Stone is keeping everyone waiting today at Slate, where he's set to engage Bob Woodward and a few other reporters over the facts and slip-ups threading his new film W. Thing have remained mostly civil so far — no Taser jokes or Christian Bale casting rumors — though a few factual liberties have set off a bit of protest in the ranks. Thankfully, while they wait for Stone, Lionsgate now offers a pleasing historical reference for the rest of us. Behold — W. For Dummies.Or, officially, W. — The Official Film Guide, an obsessive, somewhat addictive gathering of footnotes for amateur scholars ("14. Cheney - Unitary Executive Theory") and culture mavens ("80. W. loved Cats) alike, crammed with supporting details and citations behind some of W.'s more out-there moments. Like "W. on Non-Alcoholic Beer":

Look On My Works, Ye Mighty: In a move perhaps intended to quell an imminent fanboy revolution, Zack Snyder & Co. have softened the blow of Watchmen's supposedly revised ending with a brand-new poster and second trailer. The poster's great, but we're a little concerned about Rorshach's enhanced, Spidey-like jumping powers in the new trailer. Two hours and forty-three minutes of that might go a long way. Click through for a bigger look at the lobby art. [Coming Soon]

[A note about listings: If you'd like to be featured in To Do, please send us your event the morning of, subject heading: "FOR TO DO." We'll do our best to squeeze you in.] · Music Round-Up: Club NME at Spaceland, The Neighborhood Bullys, Dogweed, and Bollweevil are at The Echo, and Ryan Calhoun, Arden of Eden, and Amilia K Spicer are at Hotel Cafe. · John C. Reilly's Variety Show offers an evening of—well, we're not exactly sure, but we know there will be a variety of it—at Largo, hosted by the Oscar-nominated actor. · Japanese filmmaker Hiroshi Teshigahara's 1966 film The Face of Another—about a "a burn victim [who] gets a face transplant"—screens at Culver City cafe/art space Royal/T. [via Flavorpill]

Just when we'd managed to shake our uncontrollable addiction to Lostpedia, brand-new footage from the upcoming Season 5 of Lost has hit the internet. What do we learn (after an interminable recap of previous storylines) about the island hijinks we'll be seeing come January 2009? Sayid gets a gun! Hurley gets a gun! Kate gets a gun! Probably even the baby gets a gun! As is par for the course with Lost, the footage only raises new questions; specifically, where is the return of Michelle Rodriguez (and her vibrator)? And, perhaps most importantly, is Jack's missing chest hair still in the clutches of the smoke monster? [The Lost Vault]

Our noting of this morning's Page Six story about a death in the Roosevelt Hotel's pool and an alleged failure to drain its water—resulting in Lindsay Lohan's first direct brush with death since the approximately 75,000 others she experienced before entering Cirque Lodge—elicited a response from a concerned hotel spokesflack, who wanted to set the record straight on exactly what transpired. It's after the jump:

While it wasn't hard to see some of today's blowups coming, we were unprepared for the latest feud to hit Hollywood: Brady Bunch materfamilias Florence Henderson versus resurgent Dancing with the Stars hoofer Cloris Leachman! The 82-year-old Leachman has paso dobled her way into America's hearts over the past few weeks with her patented brand of cussing and cleavage, but to fellow Dancing vet Henderson, that simply isn't how its done! She spilled on her anti-Cloris crusade to Life & Style:

It's 13 days until the election, and while Defamer Decides for you, kick back and peep these shows about incestual/quasi-necrophiliac romances. Get Grandma in the living room, she'll want to watch, too! WATCH Pushing Daisies [8 PM, ABC] - David Arquette guest stars as a socially-challenged suspect in a murder involving a friend-for-hire agency. Please watch this show. Please. As much as we enjoy fabulously meta-awkward episodes of critically-acclaimed but low-rated shows, consider it your duty to keep those writers writing PD rather than cranking out specs for Knight Rider.

In a sneak attack befitting the kind of malcontent who would dare despoil America's slutty sweetheart, FBI agents this week apprehended the man they say hacked into Miley Cyrus's e-mail account and posted scandalously skin-baring, kiss-blowing, shirt-gnawing private photographs. The feds brought a search warrant to the Murfreesboro, Tenn., home of Josh Holly, 19, who watched them cart away three computers and a cell phone — thus forcing the admitted hacker also known as TrainReq to find alternate means of spilling his virtually unabridged story to Wired.com. And are we ever glad he did.After all, we might never experience the geeky, naughty rush of shattering security protocols everywhere from MySpace to Gmail (and then bragging about it later). But when we've got a dumb-ass as spectacularly candid as Holly sharing his road map with us, it's like we can almost smell the SWAT team outside our own door:

We bring now distressing news from the set of Gossip Girl, where 15-year-old Taylor Momsen—who plays Jennie, the fashion-designing little sister eager to break free from her humble roots living in a finished loft in Brooklyn with her dad from Everclear—has survived a brush with a "potentially life-threatening" (italics, underline, and bold ours) throat infection. Her doctor wisely chose Us to offer his prognosis exclusive:

This could make that planned Nov. 1 appearance on SNL a little awkward: during an interview with a D.C. news station, Barack Obama was prompted by some "gotcha journalism" to dis his Saturday Night Live portrayer, Fred Armisen. "Are you disappointed at all that the person who parodies you on Saturday Night Live just isn't very funny?" said the interviewer, asking the late-night comedy version of "So when did you stop beating your wife?" A trapped Obama then conceded that Armisen's interpretation was definitely a run or two below its high Tina Fey watermark. Clearly, Obama is in the tank for 30 Rock. [WUSA9.com]