We figured the growing on-air hostility between Republican whistle-siren Elisabeth Hasselbeck and the more moderate panelists on The View would eventually erupt into something appropriately spectacular—and it did, with multiple accounts sent to us of a Joy Behar/Elisabeth Hasselbeck backstage Catfight of the Century. Word of the smackdown, full of detonated F-bombs and wishes of co-host conflagration, quickly made the media rounds, such as the clip above from last night's ExtraIn it, quadruple threat host Mario Lopez—he acts, dances, crunches, and reads showbiz news copy!—capably sums up not just our report, but The View's ensuing damage control campaign. Not only did Whoopi hit the Regis high-chair, but she also reassured GMA's Diane Sawyer that no one's life is in immediate danger—in fact, they all love each other! Yes, yes, we're sure that's all true, ladies, but can we suggest bringing back that effective split-screen technique that hastened Rosie O'Donnell's departure? You're really losing half the fun if the camera misses Joy silently mouthing, "IwillburnyoudownIwillburnyoudown" while Elisabeth defends her theories that a 19-year-old Barack Obama was the one who gave John Hinckley, Jr. his Reagan-shooting marching orders. [Extra] Previously:

Doubt to Open AFI Fest: The Oscar-bait shuffle that is AFI Fest's opening night settled down late Thursday when organizers announced Doubt as its Oct. 30 replacement for The Soloist. It will be the Meryl Streep/Philip Seymour Hoffman drama's world premiere following a quiet test screening this summer and a private screening last night for its original Broadway cast and select press. Among them evidently was Tom O'Neil, to whom Scott Rudin expressed nervousness about sharing Doubt on the AFI stage still relatively early in Oscar season (the film opens small Dec. 12). And really, with one horse already down and only one other left in the race after this, can you blame him? OK, fine — so can we. Zip it, Rudin. [Gold Derby]

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your fail-safe weekly guide to everything new, noteworthy and/or potentially doomed at the movies. Today brings us another oversaturated batch of fall releases offering more variety than prestige (or quality for that matter), but we'll help you sort through the mess with a glimpse at the week's (and maybe the year's) best film, Ed Norton's latest loser and a sampling of what's new on DVD. As always, our opinions are our own, but franchise opportunities are available. Inquire inside!WHAT'S NEW: Excepting battles for second place, we haven't had a good duel at the box office for a while now. We don't really have one this week either, but we're keeping an eye on High School Musical 3: Senior Year and Saw V for symbolic value alone: Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens and the rest of their East High cohorts may be the first force to vanquish the splatter series on opening day since it launched in 2004. We talked a bit yesterday about HSM3's unprecedented market, and we stand by our $38 million call. Saw V will catch the older kids forced to drive their blubbering siblings to the mall; that and the fanboy cult should treat the film to a $29.7 million opening. As if HSM3 and Beverly Hills Chihuahua weren't enough of a full-time cultural assault, Disney has Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3-D as well to court the Halloween crowd; that should pick up at least $5.3 million on 284 screens. Angelina Jolie and Clint Eastwood's missing-child melodrama Changeling also opens small today before platforming wide Oct. 31; we'll get into it a little more at that time. Also opening: The Anne Hathaway/Patrick Wilson ESP thriller Passengers (we hadn't heard of it either); the middling Disney/Bollywood animated effort Roadside Romeo; Kristin Scott-Thomas's Oscar bait I've Loved You So Long; and probably the best Swedish vampire coming-of-age film ever made, Let the Right One In. THE BIG LOSER: The week's other wide release, the shouty cop-family drama Pride and Glory, finally gets its furlough from the New Line tombs after a nearly two-year delay. But buzz is low, reviews are upside-down, and Ed Norton and Colin Farrell can't open a window these days let alone a big Warner Bros. offering. It'll be left with about $7 million worth of Max Payne's week-two scraps before being reassigned to a nice, quiet desk back at the precinct.

When NBC Universal poached executive producers from TV fashion competition Project Runway in May, we wrote the move would "enable [NBC's] Bravo to create something very similar to Runway," which producer Harvey Weinstein was in the midst of moving to Lifetime. That seems to be precisely what has happened, per a Bravo casting call on Craigslist for "talented designers where the winner will win a large cash prize." The likes of Weinstein are none too happy that NBC is moving ahead with a copycat show while the Weinstein Company is enjoined by court order from doing anything with Runway. Poor Harvey is going to get clobbered! Says Page Six:

· Sarah Palin ran for vice-president, and all the GOP got was a lousy $150,000 wardrobe bill. But judging by the evidence of what came before it, the investment might have been worth every penny. [via Radar] · Katy Perry's breasts are hard, white and going on the block for charity. · Danny Boyle's relatively tame Oscar-season favorite Slumdog Millionaire received a surprise R-rating from the MPAA. And the critics! Are! Outraged!!! · Speaking of critics, Time Magazine is trying the child-labor route with its High School Musical 3 review. · First Scott Rudin, now Mr. Blackwell: Was the late, list-keeping fashion tyrant's partner of 60 years pinkwashed out of his obit by the Associated Press?

Shield your eyes, chubby-chasers, feeder-scenesters, and general bear aficionados. Everyone else: Behold, the new, lean n' mean Seth Rogen! The word "schlub" will barely enter your mind as you gaze upon the Zack & Miri Make a Porno star, who's whittled his trademark softserve physique—the one Katherine Heigl once lowered her standards enough to copulate with!—down to the shredded, peak physical specimen you see above. Sure, he tells us it's just for a superhero movie, and he hates every minute of his grueling training regimen. We're not buying it, however, as the satisfied smirks above suggest the kind of guy who keeps lifting his Nike Dri-FIT tanktop to admire some newly birthed abs in the reflection of an Athlete's Foot window. [Photo credit: WireImage at the Porno premiere, and Scream Awards (center)]

It was only a matter of time before the alleged psychotic gay bridezilla that is George Takei fired back at his one-time TV captain William Shatner, whose claims that Takei invited every living Star Trek alumnus but him to his wedding met stiff, Suluian resistance in an interview airing this evening on Entertainment Tonight. After the jump, hear all the honors, weddings, funerals and other events Shatner has shined on in apparently forsaking his chums from the Final Frontier. "We keep reaching out and reaching out," Takei says, "but he takes that and twists it and crumples it and turns it into something that's rather... ugly." Damn it, Jim! So can the relationship ever be mended? Yes, nods Takei, laying down terms we hope find the actors setting aside their differences at last — for the gays' sake, if not Shatner's own. (Be warned, their video is set to autoplay. It's psychotic, too!)Click to view

Click to viewBoomp3.com At the London Film Festival, W. star Josh Brolin was so excited to be in London that he wanted to shout it from the rooftops. However, Brolin opted to shout next to his co-stars Elizabeth Banks and Thandie Netwon. A raspy Brolin said, “Whooooaaaa! I love London and I love this movie!” [Photo Credit: Getty Images] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

· Thursday Night Musixplosion! Dar Williams plays the El Rey, Stereolab play the Henry Fonda Theater, Chiodis are at the Wiltern. · TASCHEN launches their ten-volume Art & Architecture series, collecting every issue of the seminal modernist magazine to come out between 1945 and 1954. The party is at their store on Beverly from 6 to 8 p.m. [via Flavorpill] · Sit 'n' Spin, the ongoing L.A. writers' series hosted by Jill Soloway, Maggie Rowe, and Jaclyn Lafer is at the Comedy Central Stage. Tonight's readers include: Spencer Green, Melinda Hill, Anthony D'Alessandro, Steve Soto, and David Bottrell.

Handbags and Gladrags: If the presidential election doesn't work out for Sarah Palin, Ricky Gervais thinks she has a future in television comedy. Comparing her to the role he played in the UK version of The Office, he says, "Sarah Palin is David Brent. She is! There's so much comedy value in watching her talk." Certainly, we can't think of an Office moment as awkward as that Katie Couric interview — but does that make John McCain her Gareth? In other news, Gervais is playing hard-to-get when it comes to the Oscars, which he has been tipped to host. "I don't think I'd get the freedom I needed," he told the BBC. Executive producer Bill Condon, if we even hear you so much as mention the words, "Howie Mandel"... [Yahoo]

We can all but guarantee that 30 Rock will be highlighted here next week, but in the meantime, feast on messed up celebs of all shapes and sizes. WATCH The Office [9 PM, NBC] - Michael holds an auction to raise money to buy office supplies after the office is robbed. Meanwhile, Pam searches for a part-time job to help her pay for art school. We watched a bunch of episodes of the British version last night and despite our initial stubbornness, we have to concede that the U.S. version has moments where it is funnier than the original.

Raffaello Follieri's precipitous slide from Anne Hathaway's Italian prince to just another fake Pope-anointed land baron hit bottom today in New York, where a judge sentenced him to four and a half years in prison for wire fraud, money laundering and conspiracy. Follieri, 30, pleaded guilty last month to bilking investors of nearly $2.5 million in funds intended for the Vatican and other low-end Catholic properties; his plea required him to agree not to appeal any sentence up to five years, three months. But it didn't mean he couldn't keep appealing to Hathaway, according to InTouch:

What's it like to live the life of Oscar winner Adrien Brody? Apparently, it pays enough to buy your actress girlfriend Elsa Pataky (Snakes on a Plane) an enormous castle in upstate New York, but not quite enough to keep you from opening up the doors to said castle to Hello! magazine for some extra coin. At least, that's the conclusion we came to after a perusal of the magazine's 35-page spread that includes shots of Brody and Pataky so cheesy that even Spencer and Heidi would turn away in white-hot shame. Won't you come inside with us and take a tour?

Teen pregnancy just isn't the Oscar-nominated, tabloid-cover romp Hollywood makes it out to be, according to a new report released today in Chicago. Amid the gloomy data noting 400,000 such births per year (at a public cost of $7.6 billion), experts cited increasing cultural influence among girls who look to Jamie-Lynn Spears, Bristol Palin and even Juno as models of upstanding teenage motherhood. Alas, as you probably could have guessed, the experts at a subsequent panel discussion begged to differ:

BREAKING HEADLINE NEWS over the wires from Extra! We'll cede them the floor: "An outspoken activist for autism awareness, Jenny McCarthy speaks out about whether [Sarah] Palin, who also has a child with special needs, can make a difference in Washington. McCarthy responds, 'You know, I don’t know.'" MUST CREDIT EXTRA! [Extra]

Click to viewBoomp3.com Pausing slightly during a whirlwind shopping expedition, Mickey Rourke and beloved dog Loki decided to experience Rome in all of its glory and splendor. "It’s a beautiful city," Rourke said. "Just ripe with culture and history; I mean it’s just a real work of art. Something to savoir and behold.” When asked for comment, Loki said she preferred the majesty of Venice and itss various canals. Loki added, “It’s easier to get away with certain things on the street.” [Photo Credit: INF Daily] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

It's a bad time to be backstage at ABC: not even twenty-four hours after word broke about behind-the-scenes in-fighting at The View, the Chicago Sun-Times is reporting similar agita over at Dancing with the Stars, where the tyrannical Cloris Leachman has proven impossible to send home. It appears the producers and fellow dancers are firmly on Team Florence Henderson, as they're tired of the 82-year-old Leachman evading the ax simply by hamming it up for the cameras. "She has a Quentin Tarantino role to get to," they cry! "Does she need anything else?"

Today we offer a new pair of videos as an addendum to our recent, authoritative list of Dos and Donts for Making the Perfect Celebrity PSA. First up: Absolutely DO coax Ron Howard and Henry Winkler into whatever outlandish pro-Obama Happy Days reprise they can stand, such as the one after the jump that premiered today at Funny or Die. And if Andy Griffith agrees to join Howard for a bewigged ride all the way back to Mayberry, all the better. However: DO NOT, under any circumstances, enlist Rhea Perlman, Valerie Harper and/or Garry Freaking Marshall as your elder voice of reason. Especially Marshall! This election is just too close — and Georgia Rule far too recent — to risk some new, William Ayers-like smear campaign this late in the game.Click to view

· Taylor Hackford is shopping around Love Ranch—a brothel drama starring wife Helen Mirren (oooh!) and Joe Pesci (ewww!)—to studios in search of a distribution partner. [Variety] · Javier Barden has signed on for Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's new movie, Biutiful, a Spanish-language film about "a man embroiled in shady dealings who is confronted by a childhood friend." We smell cattle bolt fumes! [Variety] · Netflix, who we dumped since they decided to start charging more to rent Blu-ray (you hear us, Netflix? That's the reason. It wasn't us, it was you. Now stop e-mailing, because we found a new rental boyfriend) has hooked up with Samsung, whose new Blu-ray player is equipped to stream their movies. [Variety] After the jump: What director does DreamWorks have on tap to fill Chicago 7 with cameos by his friends?· DreamWorks's The Trial of the Chicago 7 is courting director suitors, having met most recently with Ben Stiller, who assured Steven Spielberg he'd only go quarter-retard in his portrayal of Abbie Hoffman. [THR] · Juan Carlos Gonzalez—who'd certainly adorn any Wheaties box celebrating the Neutral Olympics—looks to be the mediator brought in to oversee SAG-AMPTP talks. We're all but certain this will enliven the proceedings, as anyone who knows Gonzalez knows he can bring even the most bitter of enemies together through the power of mime. [THR]

From Hollywood-residing Drudge-buddy Andrew Breitbart's new HuffPo for Conservatives to this sad Hollywood Reporter story on how conservatives in Tinseltown are an oppressed minority, everyone's talking about Showbiz Republicans! They are terribly mistreated, you know, by evil monster liberals who run that town. Sometimes they are called names at dinner parties! And also they are apparently fired all the time for being Republicans! Then they all get together in secret organizations to drink and talk about how bad they have it. It's just like being gay in rural Wyoming, right? Ha ha, just kidding. It's more like being the one Yankee fan in a Boston bar, and you also felt the need to wear your Jeter jersey. Dude, you went to Boston and put on your Jeter jersey, of course you got shit for it! Here's prominent famous successful Hollywood Republican Kelsey Grammer talking about how dangerous and hard it is being a Hollywood Republican: