While Defamer was unsuccessfully attempting a "don't you know who I am?" moment at the Chinese Theatre premiere of Six Feet Under , a typical Hollywood scene was unfolding: People on cellphones who were "too busy," "too important," and "not talking to anybody but holding a phone up to their ear to seem busy and important while wearing a cheap suit" ignored ushers, barged to the front of the line, and gawked at the stars on the red carpet. [Ed. note—You douchebag, no one knows who you are, you're anony-something! And also not important. Next time do the cellphone thing and spring for a Men's Wearhouse suit.]

Even the Wall Street Journal is piling on "penny pinching" Jonathan Dolgen:

According to THR, ABC is picking up Jennifer Love Hewitt's pilot In The Game for midseason. Despite Defamer's awkward, misguided, on-again/off-again affection for Hewitt, we saw the then-unnamed Jennifer Love Hewitt Project, and it was, how do you say it, a piece of shit. No, that's unfair. It's actually a piece of shitergy.

SaveDisney.com has an hilarious photo essay depicting Disney's California Adventure theme park as a deserted wasteland this Memorial Day. (Just so you know, SaveDisney is ousted board member/Walt nephew Roy Disney's site.) We once had the pleasure of wandering into the Emptiest Place On Earth, which eerily reminded us of Universal CityWalk during an anthrax scare.

Even the PAs and assistants have opinions on the Jonathan Dolgen resignation. Too many dry-cleaning runs or complaints about the unacceptable amount of egg in your Cobb salad, Jon? When the peons have occasion to slag you, you're not exactly beloved. A "wage slave" opines to blogger "Leslie McZucker":

It's Ted Casablanca time! Take your best stab at E!'s humpy gossiper's gibberishy, eyeless scoop o' celebby dirt-pie.

More from the sitcom writers' room: MTV story editor In Hollywoodlog, Shari Brooks gives the Hollywood wannabe advice on how to get your first writers' assistant job: Lie. Lie about your typing speed, your computer skills, lie on your resume, and then get your friends to back you up as references. Not surprisingly, her web of untruths got her a gig on a sitcom.

Former NBC West Coast president Scott Sassa wants to be your Friendster. Actually, now he wants to be *everyone's* Friendster; he's been named CEO of the slow-running, stalker-enabling "social networking tool." He's the perfect choice for the job. We hear that he was so beloved in the writers' room of one sitcom during his NBC tenure that they banged a gong every time his name was mentioned in celebration of his heritage.

From today's Page Six: "WHICH pro basketball player, husband of a world-class beauty, is said to be having a torrid affair with a recently divorced actress? And when he's not with her, he's chasing other foxes . . ."

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is urging Kabbalah Centre head Philip Berg to yank Madonna out on the street by her red string bracelet. "Yes, she may sing and she may dance. But she is famous for being a slut. Is the Kabbalah Center really so desperate that it is prepared to promote itself through a vulgarian whose main contribution to the culture is porn rock?"

According to Variety, Disney CEO Michael Eisner says he's just as likely to give up Disneyland as he is to part with Miramax. (It's become an issue since Eisner refused to let Miramax release Fahrenheit 9/11, in case you're just waking up from a coma). At an investment conference in New York, Eisner was asked if Disney would still own Miramax in five years.

Jonathan Dolgen just quit his post as Viacom Entertainment Group chairman in the aftermath of Mel Karmazin's departure and the subsequent promotions of evil CBS tooth-whitening mastermind Les Moonves and MTV Kutcher-enabler Tom Freston.

Blogging layabout Jim Treacher watches a scad of online trailers and then writes "a bunch of stupid snotty unfair crap about them." Also, pretty accurate. And, unlike David Cross, he is unlikely to supply the voice of a talking dog in any of them.

Don't think we didn't notice our DC sister blog Wonkette getting some manual stimulation on the front page of today's LAT. It's such an unabashed lovefest that by the end of the article, we thought our Ana and the LAT's Susannah Rosenblatt would have interrupted their pillow fight just long enough to suck Jagermeister shots out of each other's navels while singing "I Will Survive." Maybe Rosenblatt was entranced by Ana's "fuscia bedroom slippers," which she uses to distract the constant stream of reporters to her residence from wandering into the gimp dungeon.

Variety reports that producers and networks have made a "final offer' to the WGA that doesn't include a hike in DVD residual rates for writers. (There seems to be a hilarious provision that says if the Screen Actors Guild or Directors Guild manage to squeeze some nickels out of the studios later this year, the WGA can get some of that money.) And, minutes ago, the Writers Guild issued a statement via email calling the latest offer "unacceptable," but pleading for negotiations to continue. Sounds just like the last month of strike news, but with the ominous-sounding, yet totally disingenuous, "final offer" stuff thrown in! Who wants to shut down Hollywood more? Wait and find out...

USA Networks issues the most explicit "fuck you" to America's ad-zapping TiVos yet. "You want to blast through the commercials in our new Dennis Hopper TV movie, motherfucker?" they seem to say. "Go ahead and try! Because the movie is the commercial! You dig?" Tonight's The Last Ride was written for no reason other than to advertise Pontiac's new [model redacted so as to not give them free advertising, but you know we'd blog them up a car chase for little more than a hot sandwich]. Defamer suggests your DVR's handy "delete program" function to counteract this latest attempt at advertainment. Then as soon as it's erased from the hard drive, spend the next hour and forty-five minutes looking at our banner ads and fight the power!

A reader sends this report of another enemy of reporter Anita Busch getting nasty:

Agents, studio heads, struggling actor/waiters who want to add "/writer" to their imaginery credits: Mike Adamick, the failed writer/visionary who wants someone, anyone to take his action script off his hands via eBay (still no bids) will be on NPR's "Day To Day" at noon PST today. It should be available via their website shortly thereafter. As if hearing eBay Script Guy talk about his attempt to throw Hollywood into turmoil wasn't enough reason to tune in, there's a curious twist: John McEnroe, who apparently happened to be hanging around to promote a new CNBC show, will read an expletive-laden scene from the script. Yes, the tennis/rageoholic John McEnroe. This gets more...interesting by the minute.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in by readers. Send yours to tips@defamer.com to let them know that you are watching, always watching.

Blogging.la has this screenshot from the original Die Hard. Note the 1988 gas prices in front of "Nakatomi Towers" (better known as Fox Plaza in Century City). 74. Fucking. Cents. And we weren't even occupying any oil-rich countries.