• Paris Hilton got her shrink to say that being forced to testify in that Zeta Graff defamation suit would "exacerbate her current mental condition," and the trial was postponed. [TMZ]
  

Post grannygoss Cindy keeps it relevant today with this brief but layered aside:

Britney Spears played the Sunset Strip House of Blues last night, the final stop of a comeback trifecta in which Southern Californian fans were given the opportunity to pay $125 for 12 electrifying minutes of high-impact strippercising set to a handful of oldies, flawlessly lipsynched except where the chewing of gum necessitated dropping the occasional lyric. But even the most diehard of Britheads, traveling by caravan from show to show and obsessively comparing set-list notes in parking lots ("She opened with 'One More Time' into 'Slave' in Anaheim too? Whoa.") were in for a few surprises:

Recently deadbeat-shedding and unnecessarily rehabbed pop star Britney Spears, as you certainly are aware, will take her comeback tour to the House of Blues on the Sunset Strip tonight, a performance that could be more hotly anticipated only if it was revealed that Jesus Christ himself would be taking a place among her background dancers for a couple of intricately choreographed numbers, then reascending to Heaven during the musical crescendo of "Toxic." The reviews of her first attempt at retaking the stage in San Diego following her extended hiatus to explore her various baby-dropping and head-shaving ambitions were middling at best; things were apparently no better at Wednesday night's show in (please avert your eyes, it's almost too terrible to say) Anaheim, where phones and cameras were confiscated so that Spears's lackluster efforts could not be recorded and archived for all time on the YouTubes. People describes last night's mercifully brief pop carnage:

For people who gambled hundreds of dollars hoping that a series of area House of Blues concerts for mystery act The M+Ms would actually feature Britney Spears's triumphant return to live performance—some good news, and some bad. First the good: As San Diegans in attendance can attest, it was indeed the troubled pop star who had taken to the stage a mere two hours late (despite the best efforts of a speeding tour bus driver), where, accompanied by a quartet of background-dancing skankettes, she gyrated to familiar hits with a shapely figure that bore only a fleshy hint of her recently acquired rehab fifteen. Now the bad news:

"What's WRONG With Brit's Baby!" screams the cover of today's Star magazine. But new editor Candace Trunzo's editor's letter makes no mention of poor possible Britney flipper-baby Jayden James. Instead, it's all about... Britney's weight loss? "Britney Spears really is this year's Comeback Kid," Trunzo crows. She ends with, "This issue's amazing new pics on page 44 say it all—Eat your heart out, K-Fed." And the 4-page story that begins on page 44 is about how Britney is losing "a pound a day." It's not until page 52 that Star asks, rather more briefly, "Why Is Brit Hiding Jayden James?" A: "It's all about the Benjamins!" (Duh.) Also: "'Britney did so much partying after Jayden was born, she doesn't feel as close to him [as Sean Preston],' maybe says another source." Maybe says another source! It's a new low in tabloid journalism, or maybe a new high! Congratulations, Candy.

• Salman Rushdie was spotted patting Padma Lakshmi's rump at the PEN gala on Monday. Perhaps Diane von F. declared their overness too soon. [R&M, last item]
  

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Napoleon Dynamite doing comparative breast pump shopping.

· People names Drew Barrymore its Most Beautiful Famous Person, then forces her to pose without makeup. Don't those fucking sadists realize she's in her thirties? She'll be ruined!
· See, the difference is CAAA just kidnaps your dog; CAA would tie you down and kill it while you helplessly watched.
· What Britney Spears really needs in her life is a creepy, career-controlling father figure to straighten her out.
· We know that we've been dismissive of her work in the past, but suddenly we find ourselves somewhat more interested in that chick from The Hills. Hmmm. Must be the new bathing suit.
· Jimmie Walker and Ann Coulter: What's not to get about that?

Following in the wobbly footsteps of fellow misdiagnosed celebrity rehab survivor Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears has reportedly been taking the necessary steps towards reclaiming the lifestyle she enjoyed before her widely publicized Dark Angel episode landed her a month inside a coastal no-fun facility. Step one: Emancipate oneself from all patriarchal tyranny. Step two: Hire the world's leading expert at crafting statements that artfully ignore the 800-pound gorilla on your back. Step three: Ease your way back in with softer alcohol:

• Though Jessica Simpson's rep denies it, rumors are swirling that her dad Joe wants to svengali up Britney Spears. [R&M]
  

While the males that drift into and out of her life—her father, the manager who forced her into rehab even though she totally doesn't have a problem, y'all!, the agents who scoff at her lack of focus—reliably disappoint her, troubled tabloid ubiquity Britney Spears can at least feel safe in the knowledge that she once again has a woman on retainer that's always got her back: recently rehired superflack Leslie Sloane Selnick, the tireless, for-hire protector of her virtue. Spears' retention of the publicist is already paying dividends, as demonstrated in her response to today's Page Six item in which dad Jamie comes to the defense of his daughter's manager for taking the intervention bullet on behalf of her family:

• Britney Spears' dad speaks out about Brit's firing her manager Larry Rudolph: "The Spears family would like to publicly apologize to Larry for our daughter's statements about him over the past few weeks." Britney's response: "I am praying for my father. We have never had a good relationship. It's sad that all the men that have been in my life do not know how to accept a real woman's love." Damn, we like this new publicist-having Britney! [Page Six]
  

• Grandma Cindy claims that Courtney Love and Bruce Willis's birthday kiss wasn't just a one-time thing. Also, that Bruce "leaves no moan unturned." Ew. [Cindy]

· When a reader goes through the trouble of spending hours tinkering around in MS Paint to create a fan-art masterpiece , we have no choice but to share it with you. Behold, the Incredible Norton. (Click the photo for a larger version.)
· If you watch just one video of Britney Spears amusing herself by babbling semi-coherently about the tabloid media that's ruining her life into a paparazzi agency's video camera, make it this one.
· And also: Is Britney more charitable than a certain A-list golden boy?
· Kiefer Sutherland savagely bites Forest Whitaker in a Walk of Fame sneak attack!

• Just Asking: Which Ron Perelman has his publicist double as a matchmaker? Ron Perelman has his rep seek out and then screen his dates to make sure everything's kosher... [Page Six]
  

• Jim McGreevey is so gay, having sex with only one man does not satisfy him! He craves still more man-sex! [Page Six]
  

• Drew Barrymore didn't even have to win Top Model to get a contract with Cover Girl! "'How do I honor the tradition of Cover Girl and still bring myself?' Barrymore said she asked herself before doing the print campaign. 'It is a tone and a feeling.'"[WWD]

• Who's "calling the shots" for Britney Spears these days, management-wise? Maybe no one. Gee, ya think? [Fox News]
  

Having accomplished virtually all of her Hollywood dreams by the tender age of 25 (millions-selling records, writing, directing, producing, and starring in an Anson Mount vehicle, an annulment, an ill-advised marriage to a sporadically employed background dancer from Fresno, having two beautiful babies to neglect by heading out to the hottest clubs to have her vagina photographed, a tabloid-mandated trip to rehab, and a divorce), a rudderless Britney Spears recently turned to the only people who truly have her best interests in mind to help plot the course of her post-Promises life: the caring folks at the William Morris agency. Reports The TMZ: