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Recently deadbeat-shedding and unnecessarily rehabbed pop star Britney Spears, as you certainly are aware, will take her comeback tour to the House of Blues on the Sunset Strip tonight, a performance that could be more hotly anticipated only if it was revealed that Jesus Christ himself would be taking a place among her background dancers for a couple of intricately choreographed numbers, then reascending to Heaven during the musical crescendo of "Toxic." The reviews of her first attempt at retaking the stage in San Diego following her extended hiatus to explore her various baby-dropping and head-shaving ambitions were middling at best; things were apparently no better at Wednesday night's show in (please avert your eyes, it's almost too terrible to say) Anaheim, where phones and cameras were confiscated so that Spears's lackluster efforts could not be recorded and archived for all time on the YouTubes. People describes last night's mercifully brief pop carnage:

At 9:30 p.m., after the vast majority of the crowd had made it past security, the chants of "Britney! Britney!" started, with one girl exhorting the crowd with shouts of, "She's got to feel the love!"

A few minutes later, the lights dimmed on the stage, empty save for a single white chair. The crowd exploded into screams and applause as the four backup dancers appeared, two on each side, snaking their way across the stage. As the first strains of "... Baby One More Time" became recognizable, Spears emerged in a brown wig, white go-go boots, a white mini-skirt and a sparkling pink bikini top.

Like the San Diego show, the set was a short medley of Spears's hits, with "I'm a Slave 4 U" following "Hit Me" and the crowd showering the pop star with shouts of approval each time she wiggled her hips. (Notably, she was also able to chew gum while performing.)

At 12 lip-syncing, gum-chomping minutes, the show was two minutes short of the previous evening's sprint through her hits; with a pair of shows under her belt, she should be able to get that down to under 10 in West Hollywood tonight. In fact, with her confidence quickly returning, a 4-minute show isn't out of the question, consisting of nothing more than a bewigged Spears emerging in a bathrobe and taking a seat in that single, spotlighted white chair as "I'm a Slave 4 U" begins to blare, then announcing, "This shit is hard, y'all. I'm beat. Who the hell do you think I am, Madonna? She's got energy because she buys her babies now. My ladybusiness is tired, for real. You seen it," before cracking open the can of Red Bull from which she will slowly sip for the duration of the song.