britney-spears

Lynne Spears Hopeful Smell Of Charred Meats Will Lure Back Estranged Daughter

seth · 07/02/07 03:44PM

We know we left many of you hanging Friday, after the personal delivery of a Scary Lawyer letter heralded an all-time low in Spears Family mother-daughter relations. (That the paparazzi footage happened to kick start a hot, new jean-thong trend among fans offered little consolation.) Realizing how traumatic such a public estrangement from her cherished, elder meal-ticket daughter might be, Lynne Spears had some comforting words for concerned fans, via People:

Britney Spears Latest To Expose Hollywood's Shameful Fauxhab Secret

seth · 06/29/07 04:52PM

Yesterday, Isaiah Washington revealed that gayhab exists only in the same mythical realm as [spoiler alert] Tinkerbell and the Tooth Fairy, thereby throwing into question everything we thought we knew about celebrities' seemingly sincere efforts to better themselves after precipitating a very public and catastrophic blow to their careers. Unfortunately, this appeared not be an isolated incident, as Britney Spears is alleging that her recent Promises stay was yet another case of the fauxhab epidemic currently sweeping Hollywood. Reports TMZ.com:

Britney Spears Serves Her Mother Trailerside With Scary Lawyer Letter

seth · 06/29/07 01:49PM

Realizing the same camera-equipped menaces tailing her every baby-fumbling, crotch-flashing, and head-shaving misstep might actually be of service to her, troubled pop icon Britney Spears enlisted the help of the paparazzi to locate Lynne Spears, in order to personally serve her estranged mother with a threatening legal letter. The elder Spears's crimes: "Gettin' all naggy n' stuff" about her daughter's hard-partying lifestyle, while cozying up to former pimp/dependent, K-Fed. The entire exchange—not at all staged by the public histrionics enthusiast for the benefit of the lurking video cameras—somewhat fittingly played out on the steps of a trailer. From the NY Post:

Britney Spears In Drug War With Mom

Emily Gould · 06/29/07 08:00AM
  • Britney Spears served her mom with a letter from her lawyer that "bluntly asks Lynne to stay away from the children if she is taking any medications that would impair her ability to be around them." You'll be shocked to learn that the incident took place near a trailer. [TMZ]

Celebrating The Freedom Of Paris

Emily Gould · 06/27/07 08:00AM
  • " If Paris wasn't born, she would have to be invented. If she did not form naturally, we'd have to build one of her," Andrea Peyser finally realizes. Um, clearly. Because there is almost no gossip today that isn't about her. [NYP]

TMZ: It's Just Like Us!

abalk · 06/25/07 08:14AM

As gossip site TMZ's syndicated television show approaches its initial air date of September 10—and in advance of what will no doubt be a busy day tomorrow with Paris Hilton's release from jail—the New York Times takes a look at the Associated Press of breaking vagflash news and finds that not only is it profitable ("one of the few remnants of the AOL-Time Warner merger that has resulted in some cross-platform success"), it's not much different from every other gossip-gathering organization. It pays for stories (er, "collateral materials") and thrives on the fear of celebrity flacks, who know they need to fill the TMZ tip jars with publishable material if they want to stay in the game.

Paris Hilton Is A Cat Killer

Emily Gould · 06/21/07 08:00AM
  • Remember that cute little kittycat Paris Hilton was photographed with a while back? Bitch let it get squished in the road like Phil Leotardo's head. [Page Six]

Breaking! Britney Spears Drinks In Moderation

mark · 06/20/07 11:18AM

With the ongoing incarceration and/or rehabilitation of other wildly popular, troubled starlets hampering the dissemination of breaking news about their fluid intake, we turn to Us Weekly for up-to-the-minute information on what the last free member of the Lindsay/Paris/Britney troika has been drinking, courtesy of a club manager who doesn't believe in treating the consumption of a couple of cocktails by a famous person as a shameful secret:

Role As Billboard Novelty Kook Not The Return To Radio Britney Spears Had Envisioned

seth · 06/18/07 05:29PM

Britney Spears' lawyers have dispatched an angry letter to Clear Channel Communications, insisting upon the removal of billboards for a syndicated Florida radio show featuring an unflattering photo of the singer taken shortly after her very public, hair-shedding break with reality. The implication—for anyone looking for something approaching logic on a radio show billboard ad—is that the troubled pop icon is as cuckoo as anything you might experience on MJ Kelli's wild and wacky morning show. Britney's people are also currently mulling their "suing your Clear-Channeling asses to Kingdom Come" option, reports TSG:

Does 28 Days Of Beachside Confinement Help Our Troubled Starlets Battle Their Boozy Demons?

mark · 06/18/07 01:25PM

Sunday's NY Times asked some uncomfortable questions about the efficacy of the trendy, high-end rehabilitation facilities that cater to the needs of a new generation of troubled starlets too busy to endure 28 days of minimum security lockdown, no matter how luxurious their temporary accommodations. Perhaps unsurprisingly, there is some controversy over the claimed success rates of celebrity-friendly courses of treatment at places like Wonderland Center and Promises Malibu that leave its famous patients feeling so positive about themselves upon graduation that they believe they never had problems in the first place. Reports the Times:

Britney Spears Wants Your Help In Determining Title Of Her Next Shitty Album

seth · 06/14/07 12:50PM


Having discovered that everyone she thought held her best interests at heart—manager Larry Rudolph, babydaddy Kevin Federline, even her own mother—were conspiring to sabotage her once promising career, Britney Spears has turned to the only people she can trust, her fans, to help shape the arc of her impending comeback. In the latest of a string of recent, marginally coherent announcements posted to her Official Placeholder Website, Spears asks fans to vote on their favorite of five proposed album titles, compiled from a much larger list of rejected lower-back-tattoo ideas. Results have yet to be made public, but our strong instinct is that option #1—a topical, eight-word homage to another fallen comrade-in-crotch -flashing-arms—will win in a landslide victory.

Shar Jackson Denies Pregnancy, Despite K-Fed's Ridiculous Knocking-Up Game

seth · 06/13/07 01:04PM

Politics makes for strange bedfellows, as reports have surfaced of a seismic shift of allegiances over at the House of Spears: As the (tabloid-generated) plot goes, mother Lynne—heartlessly cast aside after being deemed an impediment to her rogue daughter's various head-shaving and clubtrotting needs—now finds herself cozier than ever with former pimp-in-law Kevin Federline. (K-Fed offers Lynne full access to her grandchildren, in exchange for little more than grandma covering the Fatburger tab, and perhaps sneaking dad a little spending money for "the kids to have some fun at the Stratosphere, on me!") The estranged elder Spears, meanwhile, has taken all the expected steps towards mending fences with her troubled daughter: i.e., ambushing her at a birthday party in Beverly Hills, and offering her side of the story to Us as a cover exclusive. And despite Star Magazine's best efforts to further complicate matters by suggesting former babymama Shar Jackson was once again heavy with K-Fed child, Jackson—for whom any form of reconciliation might constitute a breach of contract that would put her Ex-Wives Club-hosting duties in jeopardy—squarely denies being knocked up by America's Most Hated, telling Us, "It is not even remotely true."

Paris Hilton: The 'Superbad' Perspective

mark · 06/12/07 08:29PM

· Seth Rogen is a vacuum of not caring about Paris Hilton.
· ABC News hands the world a hit list that could prevent the rise of the next ubiquitous celebutard menace.
· One is in jail, one's in rehab, but one is still at large, picking up all the nipple-flashing slack.
· God always takes the best TV scientists too young.
· We're still divided over whether Colton and Aboud's "Jane" or "Amanda" is the hotter Melrose recreation, but leaning toward the Bisset-inspired one.

Paris Hilton Back In Court In Three Hours

Emily Gould · 06/08/07 07:50AM
  • Ok, so! Paris Hilton has to return to court at 9 a.m. PST because prosecutors are holding sheriff's officials in contempt for releasing her early from jail. And here's some fun ammo: "It isn't wise to keep a person in jail with her problem over an extended period of time and let the problem get worse," Sheriff Lee Baca says. Hmm and eww! [AP]

Britney Spears Making The Most Of Her Poolside Drug Counseling Sessions

seth · 06/07/07 01:03PM

It could easily be argued that misunderstood ADD-survivor Britney Spears's romantic history is riddled with mistakes, beginning with her decision to marry and procreate with an ambition-challenged background dancer whose primary vocation was his pursuit of mastery over the art of one-handed joint rolling. But that was the scrambled, pre-Promises Britney; the new Britney, reports trusted supermarket news source The National Enquirer, has fallen for someone with only her best interests at heart:

Britney Spears' Ontological Musings

Emily Gould · 05/31/07 09:31AM

"Life in general is so surreal and crazy," writes Britney Spears in her latest homepage message to fans. Coincidentally, her letter in general is so surreal and crazy! In it, she tackles the Big Questions, like What is Truth, Who is God, and What's Up With Freeloaders? It's like what she would be thinking about if she was in college, minus all the "actually being informed by reading and stuff" parts.

Britney Spears Message Of Hope Offers Fans Her Rambling, Victimized Side Of The Story

seth · 05/29/07 05:03PM

Lest we heap all of our attentions on the troubles of Promises' least promising newbie, let us not overlook the Malibu wellness facility's equally famous alumnus, Britney Spears. The singer has issued forth yet another Message of Hope on her placeholder website, BritneySpears.com, giving us some rare insights into what might have led the consummate performer to be temporarily derailed by extraneous crotch-exposing, club-hopping, and head-shaving pursuits following the dissolution of her marriage:

Latest Britney Spears Letter Of Truth May Indicate Another Meltdown Is Imminent

mark · 05/16/07 05:42PM


Sensing that the trainwreck represented by her brief comeback tour has lost valuable tabloid column inches to Lindsay Lohan's coke video and Paris Hilton's victimization by the Los Angeles justice system, Britney Spears has resorted to the reliable publicity ploy of releasing a new Letter of Truth on her website. With no fresh scandals or disturbing acting-out episodes for which to apologize to her loyal fans, the LOT's timing is curious; perhaps her talk of a "trying time" is meant to prepare us for a pre-planned meltdown at this Saturday night's Orlando House of Blues show, during which she'll raffle off her youngest child to a lucky concertgoer and then self-immolate during the final, lip-synched bars of deep first-album cut "E-mail My Heart."