In March we told you about "Invoiceworks," Viacom's Kafkaesque new system for paying (or not!) its freelancers. How bad is it? We present to you, "22 Invoice Rejections at Once":

The Way We Live Now: Besieged. New York City is crumbling into bloody class wars in the street, if selective anecdotes are any indication. Crime will follow you to your hotel! And, locusts! One day:

For magazines, the first quarter of this year was hell. Particularly for Conde Nast. Now, ad sales figures for the first half are out. They're hell. Particularly for Conde Nast!

Learning Annex instructor Donald Trump has finally explained—under oath!—how he comes up with his own mysterious "net worth": first he does a "mental projection," then he's a billionaire, simple as that!

The Way We Live Now: Sick of it all. You work and work to stay positive and then one day you come across some superrich asshole whose yacht's decorated in endangered animal skins. Screw it.

Who in the world would bid $13,000 for the right to be an unpaid Huffington Post intern? This lady from Brazil, we think:

The Way We Live Now: Bobbing helplessly in the Dow Jones waves. The bottom has not yet arrived, friends. Optimism kills. You'll be running to George Soros for Botox money like the other old poors!

Bernie Madoff's pitch to his investors, for decades: He offered high and consistent returns. The reason those investors are now getting sued: He offered high and consistent returns. Believing his sales pitch was criminally idiotic!

The Way We Live Now: Illiquidly. Forget "banks" or "cash." The government has nothing. It's everyone for themselves now. Even the Gotti family is dumping its worldly goods and stockpiling sweet, sweet cows.

The recession wants you to stop doing coke, Sniffy Smith. In Europe, at least, coke prices are up, purity is down, and you've spent half your paycheck on a bag that's 91% "pet worming powder."

The Way We Live Now: Schizophrenically. By Friday everybody was like "Stocks have recovered!" and this morning everyone panicked and sold everything, predictably. Monkeys are rampaging through this weak economy!

The Way We Live Now: At the bottom of a bucket metaphor. GM is burning up the money we all gave it as fast as humanly possible. Bread lines are lengthening. But something's still selling:

The Way We Live Now: In a horn of plenty. Jobs are easy. They're hiring everywhere! Did you know that? No? Well it's true, the numbers prove it! Get off your ass and work:

The Way We Live Now: Like Poors. Have you enjoyed being a member of the Middle Class—nay, Upper Middle Class? We sincerely hope so, because you are now evicted. Time to move to Florida.

The Way We Live Now: Miserly. Every penny's important. Any scam's a good scam. Jump the turnstiles! Carry a plastic bag wherever you go, collecting scraps! We're on our own now.

The Way We Live Now: Blingy. The new dynasty of the American auto (one day) is over! Nations and companies alike are falling. The barter system is returning. Grab the gold and run!

The Way We Live Now: Involuntarily dieting. Cafeteria trays are a forgotten luxury. Sandwich boards are the new sandwiches. Stare in the windows of the many new luxury restaurants!

It's not a great time to be a media conglomerate. Time Warner and Barry Diller's IAC both put out earnings this morning that are pretty painful. Especially for Time Inc.

The Way We Live Now: Rollin on Dubs. You can't keep the US auto industry down! Unless "you" are a superior foreign competitor. But if "you" are bankruptcy, forget it. USA car companies are back!