money-matters

Redefining Luxury (Downwards)

Hamilton Nolan · 06/08/09 11:11AM

The Way We Live Now: Not fucking around, that's for sure. Would you be fucking around, in this day and age, when neither soothing twopenny candies nor free alcohol can calm the bloody Central Park Balloon Vendor Wars?

Unemployment Numbers: Bad, Good

Hamilton Nolan · 06/05/09 10:16AM

The government just released the latest US unemployment figures: 345,000 jobs lost in May, bringing the national unemployment rate to 9.4%. Is that good, or bad? Yes.

Get Funemployed!

Hamilton Nolan · 06/04/09 11:47AM

The Way We Live Now: Funemployed. That's the new word, really! Does it sort of make you want to get gangsters to dispose of the linguist who coined "Funemployment," then flee to live on a houseboat barge? You're not alone.

Everything Is Stable. Don't Look Down.

Hamilton Nolan · 06/03/09 02:34PM

The Way We Live Now: Stably. The new economic thing is here, and that thing is stability. Car sales are stabilizing! Consumer confidence is stabilizing! One caveat: don't look for stability.

We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame

Hamilton Nolan · 06/01/09 11:04AM

The Way We Live Now: Naked. Because stores are no longer selling "Plus Sized" clothes. All that fabric is expensive! So nude Americans sit at home, causing all the baguette stores to go broke, forcing small business owners to sell their dinosaur skeletons just to stay afloat.

The New York Times Will Make You Feel Poor And Mad

Hamilton Nolan · 05/28/09 12:21PM

The Way We Live Now: Chewing the cud of resentment. The New York Times has assigned all of its reporters to ferret out and write up the most awkward and awful examples of opulence, as if they were news. Hey I wonder if Per Se's kitchen is nice, still?

Our Great Brands Are Too Big to Fail

Hamilton Nolan · 05/26/09 12:08PM

The Way We Live Now: With the shame of the defeated. We're too dumb to even figure out how to make our biggest companies go bankrupt properly. But we will obstinately stand on the power of our "luxury" brands until they sink in the financial muck and drown us, triumphantly!

Never Lose Hope Broke

Hamilton Nolan · 05/22/09 10:41AM

The Way We Live Now: Broke. Britain's broke. Malls are broke. Even comic strips are broke. Broke, broke, broke.

I'm Tired, Your Job is Gone, C-Ya!

Hamilton Nolan · 05/21/09 01:10PM

In your bad-itudinal Thursday media column: Seymour Hersh hates newspapers, Paste Magazine makes bank, journalists deserve to be paid a mere pittance, and MissBehave's final goodbye email to staffers, which is not a very good one:

The $1,500 Seersucker Man-Skort Lives

Hamilton Nolan · 05/21/09 12:33PM

The Way We Live Now: Fashionably. But only for the necessities. $775 shorts for the men. Online shopping sprees for the olds. The basics.

Nigerian Businessman Has Urgent Offer For Mr. Madoff

Hamilton Nolan · 05/21/09 10:20AM

Hello friend, my name is Ade Ogunjobi. I received your contact information in good faith from our mutual friend, Mr. Bernie Madoff, and my corporation, Toks Inc, is prepared to offer the sum of $100 trillion ($100,000,000,000,000) for Mr. Madoff's business. Please respond quickly.

Sell It All and Flee

Hamilton Nolan · 05/19/09 11:15AM

The Way We Live Now: Free! The rich are selling off their possessions and "going minimalist." We've stopped building any new houses. Everyone take to the land! Nude!