Gambling is bad for poor people, except all the people who work in casinos, who would otherwise be poor. The latest bright idea of Vladimir Putin, monster: He's shutting the casinos down in Russia. All of them. Closed. Hundreds of thousands of people will be put out of work. They won't be put into work, in more useful industries; they'll just be locked out, to wander the streets, dealing blackjack for nickels. Casinos will be allowed to relocate, if they choose, to the very very worst regions of the Russian empire, like the North Korean border and the Siberian tundra.

Just like my high school history teacher told us, skipping college and getting a damn job instead is the smartest economic thing you could possibly do. Someone has proven it, using mathematics!

The Way We Live Now: Waiting for that last big score. The government won't let us stop working. The economy won't let us start working. We just go to college and dream of finding a box full of cash.

The Way We Live Now: Great, if we're millionaires. And we're not, any more. So the remaining millionaires use us as a global army of slave drones for their own whimsical amusement. Their "cash money" buys us nothing. We're enraged!

The Way We Live Now: "It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money."

The Way We Live Now: A few notches down. Before, you did something decent. Now, you do what you can. You can't turn shit into Shinola. But you can do the opposite, boy, easy.

The Way We Live Now: For the children. Well, for the kids. Well, for the college kids. They're kids, really. They need protection from this cruel, dirty world. And when the colleges go broke? Where will the kids go?

Journalism. It is not a lucrative profession. Maybe you could be a freelancer though? Easy gigs. Airline magazines! Travel pieces! The sad reality:

The Way We Live Now: Holding a bus pass. Mercedes hasn't abandoned its luxury image. CEOs haven't abandoned their private planes. But you're riding the bus. Aren't you?

Cricket-loving billionaire Allen Stanford, dubbed "Mini-Madoff" by hypemongers like us after allegedly scamming $8 billion from investors in a Ponzi scheme, has finally been indicted. He surrendered to the Feds late yesterday. Of course, he is innocent.

The Way We Live Now: Dashed upon the rocks of destiny. The dream of leaving the city behind to luxuriate in the fresh mountain air is finished. Sell everything, buy gold, and bail out. The Fourth of July is dead!

The Way We Live Now: Like champions. In tough times, it's all about priorities. And that priority is winning the Game of Life. Or—failing that—the Game of Golf.

The Way We Live Now: Not the way you think. It's not a pay cut; it's the new work-sharing. It's not stealing; it's the new honesty. It's not homelessness; it's the new camping.

The Way We Live Now: Eking out a hard living in cubicle hell while beauty dies, duh. We work without music. We work without pay. We work without jobs, just to say "Hey, one day."

The Way We Live Now: Telling Mormons we're not fucking interested. Just like before the recession! But now the Mormons are selling security systems, which you need to protect your secret stash of opulent home furnishings. Come back, Mormons!

In April, Queens resident Matt Tratner had a friend totally trash his apartment, to the max, and Matt found himself momentarily famous. His friends raised money to replace his stuff. Now, Matt's going on an expensive Greek vacation. Hmmm...

An executive of hotshot talent agency William Morris made the mistake of faxing a memo containing the salaries of many of the firm's highest-paid employees, and now it's all up on the internet. Here's how much they make (a lot):

The Way We Live Now: Reversibly. No one must feel ashamed of their newfound status as poors; Rather, we shall subtly shift the general public's perception of wealth into something distasteful. Yes. Yes. Class is wealth! Saving is salvation!

The Way We Live Now: Without pity. You're a crocodile? Now you're a handbag. You're fat? Buy an extra airline seat. You're Jewish? Sammy Davis Jr.'s menorah isn't fucking free, you know.

Here it is, at long last, the idea that will save print and the newspaper industry as a whole! It's deceptively simple! And the chances of it backfiring horribly are...even or better!