BusinessWeek plays it safe:

Apple has set an example for the tech world by apologizing to a nine-year-old girl.

What San Franciscan design couple agreed a little fun outside the marriage doesn't have to be under the table, as long as it's above the waist? Two pretty techies in their 30s told all to New York Magazine last November — except their real names.

• BusinessWeek profiled little old me. Note: The Compaq Evo is being replaced by a refurbed Powerbook with working speakers. Continue sending loud and obnoxious videos. [BusinessWeek]

In this exclusive Parade.com poll accompanying the teaser for their story on Tom Cruise, his troubled childhood, and dead-eyed war bride (actual press release title: EXCLUSIVE PARADE.COM POLL FINDS VAST MAJORITY SYMPATHIZE WITH TOM CRUISE; 84% BLAME THE MEDIA ON NEGATIVE PRESS), more than 8 out of 10 Celebrity Centre drones tasked with sabotaging online surveys agree: Cruise's year of almost universally unfavorable coverage is the fault of the media. Putting aside for a moment the somewhat tautological assertion that the media is to blame for the bad press, we see their point: Had the media-industrial complex not forced Cruise to brutalize Oprah's furniture, publicly browbeat Brooke Shields and Matt Lauer with his incredible knowledge of the history of psychiatry, and quickly marry and impregnate someone previously most famous for being Dawson's hyperverbal girlfriend at the outset of the press tours for the suspicious couple's summer blockbusters, the actor would probably have enjoyed a relatively controversy-free year.

The gossip world is abuzz (is there anything more titillating than gossip about gossip?) over today's NY Daily News report that Page Six staffer Jared Paul Stern (whom the NY Post is very quick to label a "freelancer" who "who worked two days per week" at the column—hey, how did this guy even get in here?) attempted to shake down "bad boy" supermarket billionaire Ron Burkle for about $220K in return for "'protection' against inaccurate and unflattering items," but walked right into a sting:

Apple's CEO doesn't need his own iPhoto scrapbook. The "Steve Jobs on Magazine Covers" page does well enough chronicling his life; after all, what minor event in Steve's life didn't merit another photo shoot for Fortune?

The Valley loves a good anniversary — it's nice to see anyone last over a year out here — and of course they love a good Apple puff piece. So convergence (not the PDA-iPod-phone kind) has arrived in the form of Apple's 30th anniversary. The fruit company itself may not be partying yet, but Valley reporters couldn't wait til next Sunday to publish their Apple retrospects. Their angles:

"How geeky are you," asks Newsweek, ruining a perfectly good cover story with an awkward quiz. Bad enough that half of it is desert-island questions; even worse that the "desert-island book" options don't include the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Flickr's Stewart Butterfield and Caterina Fake, king and queen of the digital photo, take Polaroids. Caterina: "What is this primitive paper-making box you handed me?"

About this Newsweek cover story — can we all share a moment of glee? Newsweek really gets the new web! Writers Steven Levy and Brad Stone score major points for:

It came out this weekend that Steve Jobs sold 45 percent of his Apple stock for $415 million.

With five days until Apple's 30th anniversary, a gaggle of news outlets are boldly writing the story we've never heard: "Apple is not like Microsoft!"

Yesterday's LAT story on the entertainment industry's "headset protocol" or "culture of listening" sought to give a taste of the widespread practice of using every sensitive phonecall as a training ground for the next generation of agents and executives to those readers who've never had the pleasure of a hot latte tossed into their face as punishment for a dropped call. In the article, one brave agency call-roller risked certain receiver-bludgeoning by an angry boss for talking to the press and offered a glimpse into the world of sanctioned eavesdropping:

The Times UK goes out on a limb and — because no one has ever done this before, at least not today — compares a Steve Jobs keynote to a religious experience.

With close-ups of full penetration still probably years away from their primetime television debut, producers are forced to linger closer to the darker side of the eros-thanatos continuum to keep their audiences properly scandalized. Somewhat embarrassingly, both the NY and LA Times (apparently spurred by the sudden deaths of 24 characters in the last two episodes) chose today to run their "Death is the new black" stories. From the NYT:

Scott McNealy will resign as CEO of Sun Microsystems, according to a Forbes story reportedly in the works. But when a journalist (and tipster) called Sun, they'd heard no such thing.

Another CNN-affiliated magazine issue, another Marissa Mayer profile. Fortune's new self-written piece on the Google VP's insane schedule (which somehow left time for contributing to Fortune) allows only two explanations for her lifestyle. Either Marissa Mayer is an artificially constructed hologram delivering a carefully performed script, or she is an artificially constructed android running a Google A.I. Each line from Marissa perfectly supports both theories:

The Wall Street Journal posts details of accidentally leaked Google exec notes:

Nerd fight! Last week, San Fran's CBS 5 filmed the "Gentlemen's Fight Club" being held in the Valley. At this garage beatup meetup, software engineers smack each other with Hello Kitty toilet seats, cookie sheets, and rolled-up Oprah magazines. Any following commentary is blown away by the actual videos of these Ultimate Fighting Championship rejects, so go watch 'em.