The Securities and Exchange Commission is reportedly still investigating whether Apple misled investors about Steve Jobs' health. That the company's stock has nearly doubled in the intervening six months is apparently beside the point — as it should be.

You should stop smoking, doctors say. Here, we have medications to help you stop, doctors say. But oh—these medications could make you kill yourself. What the hell is science good for?

America hasn't lost any weight in the past year, despite really meaning to, this time. Twenty-three states have actually gotten fatter. The obese-est state is Mississippi; the least obese is Colorado. Next year, skiing instead of mud pie, America. [Reuters]

The New York Post reports: 500,000 New Yorkers might have Swine Flu, and not even know it. Is this flavored with any kind of fact whatsoever, or is the Post just really bored with Michael Jackson stories?

A hospital officially confirmed Steve Jobs received a liver transplant there, and did so with Jobs' permission. Meaning everyone is talking about the Apple CEO's sickness, except Apple. The pressure on the company's paralyzed directors is, justifiably, mounting.

The Wall Street Journal reports: Steve Jobs had a liver transplant in Tennessee two months ago, he's in recovery, and is going to be back to work before the end of the month. Just like they said he would be.

Have you ever used Zicam Cold Remedy? Did you subsequently lose your sense of smell, for life? If not, consider yourself lucky.

We support the idea that kids should eat healthy food. Theoretically. But when it involves a crazy mom ranting against birthday cupcakes and battling Girl Scout cookies, we must demur. Meet MeMe Roth, publicist and food Nazi mother:

Since we're in the midst of a vague, threatening porn industry HIV scare, some things are changing. Like talent-producer relations. Do you trust your porn stars? Don't! [UPDATED]:

You, the sweaty awkward one: you look like the type that desperately justifies your daily drinking. Science says it's good for your heart or your mind or something, right? Wrong! Lush!

After a female porn actress tested positive for HIV this week, health officials in LA disclosed a bunch of other previously unreported HIV cases in porn, and now people are getting vaguely freaked out.

There are any number of ways Steve Jobs could have made an appearance at Apple's developer's conference today. He didn't. Yet the company still built heavy buzz for what could have very easily turned out as a lackluster product refresh.

Helpful scientists have found that binge drinking increases the risk of lung cancer in smokers "regardless of how many cigarettes a day they smoked." There's very little hope for you, now. [Science Daily]

Steve Jobs is set to return to Apple on schedule at the end of June, "people familiar with Apple" tell the Wall Street Journal. He might also end up at the company's developer's conference next week, the paper said.

There are now 600 medical marijuana dispensaries operating in Los Angeles, thanks to a legal loophole. Thanks, The Recession and Attorney General Holder and, most of all, incompetent LA City Council legal staff! This procedural goof's for you, Peter Tosh.

She is very powerful, and so she will probably destroy Newsweek for reporting this, but: Oprah's popular show, when it is not about giving you free things, is about promoting stupid and often dangerous quackery and pseudoscience.

An outcry from breastfeeding mothers wasn't enough to get Facebook to lift its ban on "exposed breast" earlier this year. But a breast cancer awareness campaign has finally ended the absurdly broad restriction.

Steve Wozniak told a Wall Street Journal reporter his Apple co-founder Steve Jobs sounds "healthy, energetic," signaling the CEO will return from medical leave at the end of June as planned. The market wasn't particularly interested.

Is 'in the midst of crushing economic insecurity' really the time to start fucking with smokers and their access to cigarettes? Because that's what the governmentalsciencecleanair-complex has apparently decided to do, and it's not smart:

Just as the kids today use alcohol labeling to ensure economical intoxication, so may the fatties of tomorrow make use of New York's fast food calorie labeling.