Fighting ladies! Failed erections! Sexy studies! Stroke prevention! And the hottest thing ever! It's your daily science watch, in which we watch the science—scientifically!

Bil Clinton has left hospital and is expected to be back to work on Monday.

Men concerned about anal health realize the importance of prostate exams. Dr. Oz drives this point home by getting one brave soul to drop his drawers and let a doctor jam a finger up his butt on national television. LIVE!

Alec Baldwin was "rushed to the hospital" early this morning after his daughter called 911. He "may have swallowed some sleeping pills," according to the NYP. Update: Baldwin's publicist Matthew Hiltzik says he's fine and working. BUT:

Beer bones! Soda cancer! Money fear! Broken hearts! Happy marriage! Michelle O-fitness! It's time for your Gawker health watch, where we watch health—for YOU!

NObama's latest plan to curtail America's freedom is to deny our obese, no-attention-span-having schoolkids the option of gorging on Hot Fries and Snickers out of school-sponsored vending machines. Why won't our nation's soft drink conglomerates stand up for the children?

Is magic the answer to our obesity problem? And if so, should we use that powerful magic to lose weight until we just shrivel up into a dessicated husk? And can we still play football? These and other questions, answered!

A new USDA survey finds that less than 1% of US farms are organic—meaning that the carnivore locavore yuppie fantasy that it's okay to eat meat as long as it comes from one of the few "good" farms is an unsustainable argument, in the Kantian sense. There will never be enough "good" farms to fulfill the demand for meat, so only forsaking meat altogether is a viable, ethical, environmental stance, in accord with the categorical imperative (universalization formulation). Which, not for nothing, is exactly what Jonathan Safran Foer says in his new book, so, we know he's a precious twee Brooklyn writer and all, but give up some props, along with that ham sandwich. Everyone knows you got to stay off that pork.

It's well-established that New York City is home to sveltest of Americans. We are the rare Americans who can smugly say, "It's what's on the inside that matters." But what about our snoring, smoking, autism, and insanity?

Burger King sales are plummeting now that "super fans" are cutting back. For example, one super fan "figures he is saving more than $100 a week by eating fewer burgers." Goodness! Can America's food crisis grow any more dire?

By all accounts, Steve Jobs personally drove the rapid creation and wildly successful hyping of the just-unveiled iPad. So you'd think his handlers would be confident in his healthy image, no matter how slowly he walks in public. (Update: Video.)

Residents of New York City now have the longest life expectancy ever. Thank you, thank you. Thanks. How do we do it, besides killing each other less frequently? By not making the common fitness mistakes of Middle America.

Science: Your brain's too small to grasp more than 150 Facebook friends, unless you're very old in which case you'll remember every useless thing, but you'll never be old if you're a NYC minority, because you'll die after surgery. Science!

Spain is close to banning TV ads for "slimming products" and plastic surgery before 10 p.m.—which would make them even more restricted than alcohol ads. Even though alcohol makes you fat and surgery makes you pretty? Savages. [Ad Age]

If Americans cut their salt intake by one teaspoon a day, it could prevent "32,000 strokes and 54,000 heart attacks a year." Just one tiny god damn teaspoon. Jesus, just do it. For Chrissake. Just put down the Cheeto. The nerve of you people. [ABC]

The youth of today: what the hell are they doing all the time? Nothing good, that's for sure.

20 zaftigs piled into a Swedish Weight Watchers facility to have their corpulence quantified: "We suddenly heard a huge thud; we almost thought it was an earthquake and everything flew up in the air. The floor collapsed..."

Hearty congratulations are in order, America: we as a nation have plateaued at a healthy 33% adult obesity rate. The fight on fat is won, pretty much! How are we as a nation celebrating?

Today in things that will kill you: Spaghetti-O's. Sex dungeons. Chinese jewelry. Things that are no good for you: Catching up on sleep. Platelet-rich-plasma injections. Journalism. In fact, only one thing has been proven not to hurt you.

Did learning that your antidepressant is fucking useless make you toss all your Paxils out the window? Not so fast! You don't want to lose that sweet placebo effect. Because there's still a lot to be depressed about.