Conservative columnist David Brooks, the New York Times' chief over-the-counter muscle relaxant and civility enforcer, is finally getting upset with his political party as it prepares to plunge the nation into debt default for no real reason. Are you sure you want to do this, David? It's only a "D" credit rating that's looming on the horizon, after all.

It was Ron Perelman's party, and Ellen Pompeo cried even though she didn't want to. Daniel Radcliffe was "reliant" on alcohol. Nicki Minaj's cousin was murdered. Andrew Keegan might have been tased. Tuesday gossip is troubled.

Back in the aughts, actor and former jeans model Jack Scalia set up charities to benefit both 9/11 victims and military vets. The charities raised some money, but apparently distributed less than they received. Where did all the money go? Scalia doesn't know—he was busy.

Maria Shriver served Arnold Schwarzenegger with divorce papers today. Shriver's requesting spousal support and joint custody of the couple's two younger kids. And because the two apparently never signed a prenup, she stands to walk away with nine figures, too.

DJ Paulie Lis filed a suit in a Hartford court looking for $4 million dollars in damages because he says his DJ business and copyrighted name "DJ Paulie" have been rendered valueless ever since Jersey Shore's DJ Paulie Destruction came onto the scene. Turf war!

Former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been released from house arrest without bail, after revelations that his accuser might be so unreliable that the case won't hold up.

The LAPD has seized on Los Angeles' most valuable natural resource, celebrities, for help in broadcasting a highway closure. They've reached out to Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Lady Gaga and others to tweet the news.

After concluding his Fox News program Thursday and being brutally assaulted by New York cultural elite fascist thugs earlier this week, Glenn Beck has had it with New York. So he's moving to Dallas, and renting this place for $20,000/month.

The case against former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn is on the verge of falling apart. Prosecutors investigating charges that he raped a hotel maid in mid-May have found major holes in the woman's story, as well as "possible links to criminal activities, including drug dealing and money laundering," the New York Times reports.

Another model is making the transition to acting, against all odds. Also today: Two ladies, real ladies, are directing movies, Starz cuts off the head of King Arthur, and Vince Vaughn is going to shock you.

An employee from a "top six publisher" forwarded us a grotesque work of inadvertent humor: Always Judge a Book by Its Cover, a proposed memoir by noxious narcissist and career slut-shamer Nik Richie, founder of TheDirty.com. Updated.

Kate Moss is supposedly marrying The Kills' Jamie Hince this weekend in a super secret ceremony. (Do the rich and famous have any other kind?) One secret that's leaked out, though, is that embattled fashion designer John Galliano is—reportedly—designing her dress. Gasp!

Republican media strategist Roger Ailes launched Fox News Channel in 1996, ostensibly as a "fair and balanced" counterpoint to what he regarded as the liberal establishment media. But according to a remarkable document buried deep within the Richard Nixon Presidential Library, the intellectual forerunner for Fox News was a nakedly partisan 1970 plot by Ailes and other Nixon aides to circumvent the "prejudices of network news" and deliver "pro-administration" stories to heartland television viewers.

Shortly after being fired as Facebook president, Sean Parker was ejected from Bungalow 8 for piercing the eardrums of Lindsay Lohan and her entourage with his drunken screams. Five years later, the pair very much appear to have made up.

So shadowy digital repo concern Specific Media took MySpace off News Corp.'s hands for the joke sum of 35 million dollars. Thirty-five million dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool? Thirty-five billion dollars. And how do you make that much money? By getting Justin Timberlake to align his triple-platinum swag with your cobweb-strewn social networking relic.

Because there are too many shows about teachers and scientists and artists and hobos out there, one network is boldly doing a show about lawyers. Also today: a doctor becomes a ghost dad and Joe Rogan is back, ladies.

A federal appeals court judge who was nominated by George W. Bush and clerked under Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia made an embarrassing error today when he ruled that Barack Obama's health care reform law was constitutional.

Bank of America feels just awful about it's role in packaging and selling a bunch of junk mortgages and inflating the economy with bad debt until the bottom fell out and more than 5 million people lost their jobs and more than 2.5 million went on food stamps, except for BofA's executives, who still got paid. So it's decided to pay $14 billion to BlackRock, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, and a bunch of other extremely wealthy institutions to make up for it. Are we square?

Courtney Love takes David LaChapelle's car and chauffeur for a midnight joyride. David Duchovny and Tea Leoni split up again. Kim Kardashian hands out wedding confidentiality agreements. And Emma Watson talks about her first crush. Wednesday gossip asks, where's my car?

Graduation season always brings with it entertaining tales of lazy, desperate, or just plain dumb graduation speakers, who chose to plagiarize their speeches. Already this year we've had a medical school dean ripping off Atul Gawande, and a law school graduate pleading ignorance about the fact that plagiarism is frowned upon. But now, I think we've found our official Dumbest Speech Plagiarism of the 2011 Graduation Season.