It's a sad day for all Italians. Wax figure Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi says he won't seek another term in 2013, but instead with act as a "patron" to his successor, Justice Minister Angelino Alfano, which should really help Alfano's case. And, at 77, Berlusconi can finally begin to focus on his private life.

Today we heard that a racial slur lawsuit against American Apparel had finally been settled. Seems someone was repeatedly called "the N-word," which is not good. What is good is that the comment inspired this, uh, inspired comment from a reader.

Harry Potter and The End of the Gravy Train, Part Nine premiered in London today along with most of the British cast, a handful of celebs, and JK Rowling herself. Let's have a look at the festivities, shall we?

A new comedy star is emerging and her name is Melissa McCarthy. Also today: the glorious return of Little People, Big World, catching up with the Ribisis, and an exciting new gay movie.

ABC's canceled soap operas All My Children and One Life to Live have been snatched from certain death by Prospect Park, a production company that will move the long-running serial dramas onto the internet. Thank God, Susan Lucci will still have a job!

Here's one way to deal with a newspaper scandal: close the whole damn newspaper. James Murdoch—Rupert Murdoch's son and the head of News International, the News Corp division that publishes the British tabloid News of the World—just announced that NotW will publish its final edition this weekend.

Angelina seeks the "coup de grace" of Aniston life-destroying. Blake Lively moves in with Leo DiCaprio. Lil' Bow Wow has a secret daughter. Elisabetta Canalis bounces back from George. Thursday gossip is a stone-cold assassin of hearts.

The hiring practices of Silicon Valley tech companies are famously rigorous, but Facebook must be the only one to test physical strength. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg takes high-profile prospective hires for a hike behind the company's Palo Alto headquarters.

The most beautiful woman of the 1990s (in our humble opinion) is heading back into the acting game after a period of relative obscurity. Also today: Casting news from your favorite office, the return of Steve Sanders, and Glenn Close's Oscar chances.

Poor Chord Overstreet! The Glee actor's option to become a series regular wasn't renewed for a second season. The bloated show sure needed to get rid of some of the dead weight. This got us thinking: Surely there are some other shows that could use a bit of pruning, no?

The White House released its annual salary report last week, and as usual, it's nice to work for Barack Obama: Most staffers who were there for more than a year got a salary bump. A bigger one than you did.

Jennifer Aniston is taking a break. Josh Hartnett pulls a "Don't you know who I am?" Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel reunite. Lenny Kravitz speaks out about "instrument bigotry." Wednesday gossip needs "me" time.

When you hear the names "Chechnya" and "Grozny" you might be reminded of images of death and destruction from the former Soviet republic's brutal wars with Moscow. Fair enough! But it's totally nice now, and is run by a Moscow-backed murderous warlord, Ramzan Kadyrov, who has an untold amount of innocent blood on his hands and likes to play soccer. In fact, Chechnya is so nice that a 9-year-old girl from Siberia who suffered from narcolepsy was sent there for six months and now she's cured. So, what's the secret? According to a statement on Chechnya's official website:

Performing God's work is tough, and should be rewarded accordingly. So it's no surprise that investment banking executives are still bitching and moaning about a looming Federal Deposit Insurance Corp "clawback provision" that would give the government the right to take back up to two years of executives' pay if their banks fail and they ruin the global economy again. It's obviously The Poors' fault for being poor and and stupid and for losing their money, not the guys who are in charge of it.

The blonde moptop was going places on TV's Glee until he abruptly wasn't. Also today: Bridesmaids is super successful, the new Chelsea Handler sitcom is not, and some info on actresses' paychecks.

An 83-year-old Upper East Side woman is up in arms because a rude sanitation worker fined her $100 for throwing a bag of newspapers in one of those green trash cans that can be found on so many New York street corners. But did she do something wrong?

An ongoing fundraising round values Twitter at nearly twice what it was worth in December, despite the company having failed to create a discernible business model in the interim, and despite admitting it needs new leadership. Welcome to the new tech economics.

Justin Timberlake has a minority stake in MySpace, newly acquired by the online advertising network Specific Media. How will he revive the near-dead social network? With a talent competition.

Well-known American artist Edwin Parker "Cy" Twombly, Jr., best known for his large-scale abstract paintings that often looked like scribbles, has died. He was 83.

The most popular user on Google's new social network is the CEO of Facebook, who has 50 percent more followers than the CEO of Google. It's geek humiliation!