In his latest film, Tabloid, documentary filmmaker Errol Morris revisits a bizarre story that dominated the British rags 30 years ago. It was a simpler time. Voicemail hadn't yet been invented, so there was nothing to hack. Our heroine, Joyce McKinney, was a busty former Miss Wyoming with an I.Q. of 168. Living then in L.A., McKinney hired a pilot, a private detective, and several musclebound bodyguards, and set off to England to rescue the runaway fiance she was convinced had been brainwashed by the Mormon Church.

Tom Felton has a record deal and a song about Hawaii. Jessica Simpson makes out with a purse. Mila Kunis compares sex to communism. The Black Eyed Peas take an "indefinite break." Tuesday gossip starts from scratch.

Casually xenophobic British ultra-nationalist Morrissey was bitten by a dog of unknown origin and — holy shit — he cracked a bone in his finger! Sycophants across the world are understandably worried about him but, according to True To You, his current tour will not be affected:

Some jerk threw tacks on a stretch of highway covered by the Annual Seattle To Portland Bicycle Classic, causing one rider to hit the ground and lose consciousness. Other riders got away relatively easy with flat tires. Dick! [KATU]

Catfight, catfight! In one corner, local L.A. crackpot and fluff journalist extraordinaire, Patt Morrison. (See her interview a celebrity Beagle here.) In the other, doe-eyed indie nymph and elf-whisperer, Zooey Deschanel. Two enter! Both leave! We get something to talk about for five minutes!

The Governator (har har) may finally have a secure deal to star in a movie again. Also today: Good news about Jennifer Lopez, better news about Dr. Drew, and best news about your favorite sitcom.

In the weeks before the raid on Osama bin Laden's compound in Abbottabad, the CIA had a prominent doctor organize a fake vaccination drive, in an attempt to secretly collect DNA from him and his family.

The Huffington Post indefinitely suspended a young blogger today for rewriting too much of someone's news article. This is pretty ridiculous, given HuffPo's systematic, officially-sanctioned approach to rewriting too much of people's news articles. Just ask a HuffPo veteran.

The Escape to New York festival will be descending on Southampton, NY the first weekend of August. The festival boasts a stellar lineup: Patti Smith, the Psychedelic Furs, Best Coast, Of Montreal, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, and more. In addition to the music, attendees can check out experimental theater and performance art, and there will be lots of tasty food on hand, as well.

Last week, when News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks faced down News of the World reporters to explain why the paper was being cashiered, she warned darkly that all would become clear when the full extent of the rot at her company became known. Today another shoe dropped: Reporters for News International's Sunday Times and Sun illegally accessed former Prime Minister Gordon Brown's bank account, legal files, and family medical records.

As journalism jobs dry up across the country, one man seems to have found a pretty decent beat. "William Breathes" somehow convinced Denver alt-weekly newspaper Westword to let him cover the medical marijuana industry in Colorado, which boasts over 300 dispensaries. That means he more or less gets baked and writes about it. But, as he explained NPR, "When I'm reviewing marijuana, I'm looking for how clean it's grown, how well it's grown." And besides sampling the product, he also reviews the facilities:

Rio de Janeiro, the site of the 2014 World Cup and 2016 Summer Olympics, has 60,000 unsolved murders, a new investigation by the federal Ministry of Justice reveals. 24,000 of the victims haven't even been identified. [AP]

A "white male in his 40s" (isn't it always?) hopped the chain-link barricade around the Jaqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir in Central Park on Sunday, and leaped in for a refreshing swim. When firefighters arrived at the scene, the man, bobbing joyously about 20 feet from the northeast edge, flatly refused to emerge. Three firefighters then swam over to him "with a yellow rope and lassoed him." He was checked by paramedics for signs of drowning, for some reason, and taken to St. Luke's Hospital, where he's listed as in "stable condition." Feel free to direct your flowers and teddy bear gift baskets to "Stubborn Reservoir Guy, c/o St. Luke's."

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. From Oprah Winfrey in Idaho to Angelina Jolie in Malta to Mariah Carey in New York, here are some of the more amusing shots from the past week.

The celebration of of St. Fermin, better known as the running of the bulls, was held today in Pamplona, Spain. One man was gored by a bull and six others (including two Americans) were injured. Good idea to sit this one out. Here's all the death-defying action that you missed.

Koch Industries, the wealthy industrial corporation run by right-wing activist billionaires David and Charles Koch, recently got a standard-issue voicemail solicitation from Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee chair Sen. Patty Murray, asking for money. A simple "no, sorry" wouldn't suffice. The company's PR chief had to publish an arch letter condemning Murray for hypocrisy, along with a recording of her voicemail.

It seems that Zeus, mighty god of thunder and lightning, or Thor or somebody, is upset about the Casey Anthony murder trial. Mere hours after Anthony was told she'd soon be out of jail, lightning struck a makeshift memorial set up for Anthony's late daughter Caylee.

The latest update in the massively gratifying unraveling of Rupert Murdoch's British newspaper holdings: Authorities believe an unnamed executive at News International, News Corporation's British subsidiary, intentionally destroyed "millions of emails" in an attempt to frustrate the criminal investigation into illegal hacking by News of the World reporters and private investigators.

Here's an 800-word story about how the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge offended all of Canada:

Andy Coulson, the former editor of Rupert Murdoch's News of the World and British PM David Cameron's former director of communications, turned himself in to police in London today over the growing phone-hacking scandal. A statement from the Metropolitan Police reads, in part: