You may have thought that soothsaying mustachioed one-trick pony Tom Friedman had done his best work of the summer last week, when he achieved near-total conceptual pointlessness. Not so! Yesterday's column was an altogether masterful demonstration of Friedmania.

You know it's mid-August when a man walking past Ann Curry's empty Upper West Side townhouse is newsworthy. That, or we're talking about the New York Post. On Saturday, the Post reported that a "hobo" had been squatting in Curry's abandoned $2.9 million townhouse for about a year until police removed him from the building. As the "bum" explained to the paper, "I'm not a drug addict; I just don't have a place to sleep." Police took the man to a homeless shelter without incident.

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. Here are some of the more amusing shots from the past week.

Given his warpaint, dark clothing, and facial expression that captures the angst and existential suffering of humankind, you might assume that this exuberant young man belongs to Homo sapiens juggalo—whose ranks have been gathering in southern Illinois this weekend to drink Faygo and pelt Charlie Sheen with trash.

The reality of Pippa Middleton's butt is debated. Two stars of The View get married. Charlie Sheen continues to exist. Sunday gossip is disappointed with its showing at Iowa, but is in this for the long haul.

Well holy prize-winning cow: Minnesota Congresswoman and downgrade instigator Michele Bachmann did it, she won the GOP straw poll in Iowa. Time to fry up your butter stix and celebrate/beckon death's call!

A "friend" of George Soros says the 81-year-old Hungarian mogul used to make his Brazilian ex-girlfriend Adriana Ferreyr sit at the children's table during his Sunday brunches in the Hamptons—ostensibly because she's 28, which is very young.

The fall premiere of beloved rape variety hour Law & Order: SVU will be based on Dominique Strauss-Kahn's hotel maid rape case, TV Guide reports.

Paula Abdul's personal mantra is also her staff's. Adam Sandler is accused of dining and dashing. The cast of The Help likes to skinny dip. Angelina Jolie is "as kinky and insatiable as ever." TGIFriday gossip is titillating.

If you are a woman and come within smelling-distance of him, magic secret-sharing gnome Julian Assange will hit on you in excruciatingly awkward fashion. A new eBook offers another prime example of Assange's Casanova act.

The British Home Secretary will meet with the companies behind Twitter and BlackBerry to discuss whether they can help curb the nation's riots. It was only a few months ago that cracking down on social networks was considered the province of despots. Now the British government is making it sound like an essential step for safety.

Now that the horrible "unending nights of chaos" part of the British riots has started to subside, here comes the insane "unhinged overreacting" part. A judge just threw a six-month prison sentence at a 23-year-old with no previous record in prison.

George Soros, Al Gore's favorite billionaire, was sued for $50 million in Manhattan yesterday by his ex-girlfriend, Brazilian soap star Adriana Ferreyr. She claims that Soros reneged on his promise to give her a $1.9 million New York apartment and that he beat her.

They were going to build a fantasy island together, a floating libertarian utopia where outsiders like them might finally feel at home. They were two walking contradictions: Peter Thiel, the billionaire Facebook investor torn between his Christianity and fleshy gay parties, and Patri Friedman, the commune-dwelling offspring of America's "grandmaster of free-market economic theory." But the Thiel-Friedman professional partnership has come to an end, and right in the media spotlight.

A Manhattan judge denied an injunction today brought by luxury shoemaker Christian Louboutin who has been trying to prevent Yves Saint Laurent from selling shoes with red soles beginning this fall. Guess those pumps you paid way too much for just depreciated in value.

A 28 year-old in Louisiana was arrested for driving around a Wal-Mart parking lot with his penis exposed and leering at women entering and exiting the store. When stopped by police and asked about his state of undress, Travis Keen "stated he did have his penis out because of past experiences he had at Wal-Mart. Keen stated when he comes to Wal-Mart he gets aroused."

Groupon is getting ready to go public, so naturally the online discounts startup has ratcheted up the rate at which it is bleeding cash, posting a $103 million quarterly loss, triple the loss for the same period last year. If tech bubble investors demand growth at any cost, Groupon will damn sure give it to them.

Meghan McCain would make an excellent 13-year-old. As a columnist, she is a thought-murdering demon of stupefaction. Today, she haz a sad about Barack Obama.

On Monday, the Dow Jones average fell by 635 points. Doom! The next day, it rose by 430 points. Reprieve! And today, it has dropped by another 520 points.

Paul Ceglia has decamped to Ireland in the middle of his lawsuit to seize control of Facebook. The convicted felon says he fled following harassment from Facebook private investigators. But maybe Ceglia, described by neighbors as a con man, is more worried about the suspicious emails he submitted as evidence.